Positively Scandalous
by Vicky-Lee-47
Summary: Lily Evans life is full with sarcasm, stupid social climbing mothers, constant trips to the hospital wing and James Potter. She’s a klutz, who craves chocolate and has an interesting outlook on life. She’s one hell of a hilariously mixed up girl.
1. My introduction to Hogwarts

Disclaimer: I'm only putting one up, cause I think that we all know I do NOT own HP or anything that you recognise.

A/N: hey y'all! How are you? Enjoy this story and review, tell me how its going!

**Hogwarts Express – First entry.**

I am _THE _Lily Evans! and this is my diary. The idea started when Daniel claimed me to be insane on the holidays. I mean honestly! Me? Insane? Never.

Daniel is a different story all together.

He is my excentric ENGLISH best friend. Yes, that's right he's English. I am too but up until now I went to a school in France called Beauxbatons. What a wonderful school it is.

YEAH

RIGHT.

It was so unbelievably _fake._ There were fake prisses, with fake hair, fake accents and fake _boobs!_ They're as fake as my lie to the potions teacher that one time.

Bloody hell, that was a _great_ lie.

I was late arriving potions – not my fault that I hate potions so much I want to skive it and never have to brew one again, let alone a fat loosing one – (trust me, I am a little runt) so I told the teacher that I had been late leaving potions… needless to say she feed me a truth potion and I got a detention…. Good times.

Anyway, back to Daniel. He is a year older than me but we don't care. We're neighbours coz while I go to school in France, I live in England. Yes, I live in the land of the drizzling rain, constant clouds and if God is in a happy mood, a small amount of sunshine.

There is one reason why Daniel and I are such good friends. We are both haters of the SSCM. And what exactly is the SSCM? The SSCM is our downfall. The reason why I am a scarred little girl… well I'm not really a girl – I'm a WOMAN – but I am little.

Yes, the SSCM is the reason why I am cynical and negative… but that works for me. The last time I was positive I tripped and fell down the stairs and broke my ankle.

Yes, being cynical and negative is much easier and WHOLE lot less painful.

Reading this, I realise that I have forgotten to say what the SSCM stands for.

SSCM – my downfall – stands for: Stupid Social Climbing Mothers.

I am the daughter to a SSCM, and I hate it.

Mother is continually trying to get me go out with this person's son, or make friends with that person's daughter. They're all boring old idiots with no brains.

Just like my mother.

Luckily I am not the only one for her to focus on. Rather I have two brothers and a sister. I'd like to say that I am the normal one out of the bunch… but I'm not sure I'm allowed to do that.

You see, my mother LOVES my sister, Petunia. I swear she worships the ground that horse walks on. Petunia will succumb to my mothers every request cough demand cough.

You see how sad my family is?

There is however light.

My fabulous brothers almost make me have faith in humanity…

Keyword: almost.

They're a bunch of prat's who know how to pull a good prank and love to have a good time. They disapprove of my mothers need to be "Socially acceptable" almost as much I do.

Almost.

They are wizards, just as I am a witch. However, they go to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I would have loved to go to that school with them but nooooo. That evil bat of a mother forced me to go to Beauxbatons in order to teach me how to be a lady.

Snort.

Like that'll ever happen.

I think the evil bat has finally realised that – or my dad has amazing persuasion skills, which I know he does, as he is a lawyer – coz I am finally allowed to go to Hogwarts with my brothers.

So now I am sitting on the completely empty – except for yours truly and the driver – Hogwarts express.

Why is it empty?

First term started a week ago.

I'm arriving a week late, but at least I'm arriving.

Speaking of the train driver, I might go and have a little talk to him.

Cya.

Hogwarts Express – Night Time 

I'm back!

I went and talked to Mr. Trainman and he is AWSOME!

He just sent me back to my compartment coz we're arriving soon. I'm so excited! I haven't seen Charles and Henry for 1 week.

That's one week too long.

The evil bat-face even named us with posh social climbing names.

Our names are: (in order of age)

Petunia Marge, age: 21

Petunia is getting married soon, to a fat-wale-type-beast-with-no-neck-and-too-much-fat. Of course when I told her that, Mother was around the corner and I got grounded for a week.

I know reality is harsh, but that's no reason to go into denial about it.

Charles William and Henry Edward are a year older than me. They were 17 in August.

And then comes little old me.

Lilieanne Marie.

Was mother on crack when she named me? Lilieanne isn't even a _real_ name.

Haha! I love that word. Crack.

Crack.

Crack.

Crack.

HAHA! Wonderful word.

Oooh! Yay! The train is slowing down! Time to start a new school. If its anything like Beauxbatons, I'm going to quit and become a bum. But Charles and Henry have survived it for six years so it can't be that bad, right?

Right

According to Mr. Trainman – Aka: Bob – I am to leave my junk on the train and it'll be taken to my room for me.

I love magic.

My trunk is HEAVY and by the look of the slope leading up to the castle, I wouldn't live to get to see my brothers.

Aw! There's a horseless carriage waiting for me.

I shivered. It's quite cold out here so without any hesitation I _tried _jumped into the carriage. I didn't think that my actions could be dangerous. I mean its possible to jump into a carriage.

Not for me.

I slipped and hit my head.

OUCH!

Yay! Injury number one for Hogwarts! I am so proud. So being a bit daintier I _climbed_ up and sat in the carriage.

I can feel the cold seat through the hole in the back of my favourite pair of jeans. There is a hole in the back of them, just underneath my bum. The twins swear that when I walk you can see the bottom of my well… bottom.

I laugh at them.

The carriage stopped.

Note to self: Leather can become FREEZING! Wear a bigger pair of underwear next year – or not a G-string – or even a different pair of pants.

Oh look, a professor has come to greet me. She looks fairly strict. I had better see what she wants.

Ciao.

Hogwarts – Common Room 

Oh

My

Sweet

Merlin!

Hogwarts is the COOLEST place.

I'll tell you what happened.

After I had cough graciously cough descended from the carriage – grace is not something I have been blessed with, you will find this out with the number of hospital trips I report – the strict teacher looked at me with… amusement.

Amusement?

AMUSEMENT?

I don't find anything amusing. I hit my leg and got another bruise. WHAT is so AMUSING?

ISHK!

People these days, I tell you. They laugh at nothing.

The professor introduced herself as Prof. McGonagall, deputy headmistress.

I am secretly pleased to note that Prof. McGonagall is a headmistress meaning that she is a SHE. I'm glad to see a woman in a position of power.

She led me through the entry hallway to two HUGE doors where blabbering was herd coming from.

The professor explained to me how I was to be sorted – sitting on a chair and placing a hat on my head – and opened the doors. I thought that I had gone deaf with the noise.

If the girls at Beauxbatons had of heard this they would have lifted their noses into the air.

Snigger.

The noise soon died as everyone noticed my presence. Way to make an entrance. I started to walk past the long tables, when to heads of read caught my eye. Their red hair was not like mine.

I love my hair and am proud to announce that it is a crimson colour – the colour of oxygenated blood, meaning that it is darker than deoxygenated blood and YES there IS a difference.

The twin's hair is more like brown with a red hinge in it in the sunlight. Its absolutely divine and I love it.

I yelled their name, and don't they look surprised. I don't think that they knew I was coming. hmmmm… Their shock is replaced by identical looks of pleasure.

"Lillers" they hollered and both rushed up and squeezed the living daylights out of me. I am proud to announce that I survived their hugs.

By the looks on the faces of everyone else, their curiosity isn't going to survive.

I looked at the boy who was sitting next to them…

DANIEL?

"What are you doing here?" we asked in unison, laughing. He stood up and I hugged him too.

"Ahem." Dumbledore cleared his throat. "May we continue?"

"Yes sir" I saluted him, promised my comrades that I would meet up with them later, and continued the walk to the stool.

Did I ever say that I HATE being the centre of attention?

Well I do.

I usually always make a fool out of myself. I however, didn't stack it. Trust me, I am as shocked at Charles, Henry and Daniel look.

"Good work, Lillers" they called out at me.

I turned and gave them a Lily glare and did something not so nice with my hand. They only laughed.

I think that they may have become immune to my glares. I thought that that was impossible? How could they! I am the Queen of glaring!

Note to self: work on new glare as stupid Comrades have become immune. That cannot happen, or I will not be able to keep them in line.

While I was walking to the stupid three-legged stool, I could feel everyone's eyes on me, and many sets on the… hole.

Oh

My

Sweet

Merlin!

I sat down and put a shiny black hat on my head.

"hmmmm" it whispered in my ear. "The first thing you have to learn is where the hospital wing is."

It's okay for my brothers and best friend to make jokes about my unco-ness but this _hat_, cannot!

ISHK!

How rude.

"Why you little!" I grumbled, and waved my wand. The shiny black hat was now…

PINK!

Laughter erupted throughout the hall.

The hat sounded thoughtful. "Not really your colour is it?"

It seemed to have said this aloud because more laughter rang through the hall.

I imitated its thoughtful look… well what I imagine it would look like if it had a face.

"No I suppose not."

I changed its colour to multi-coloured.

The hat chuckled along with everyone else in the hall.

"I don't like this, either."

What a picky hat. Man, I should just leave it like this.

"What would you like?"

It placed an image in my head. It was dusty, black and battered.

I was incredulous.

"You want to look like this?" I waved my wand, and the hat turned dusty, black and battered.

"Yes."

I was just as incredulous as the rest of the population. "Why?"

I'm not shallow or anything, but seriously, who in their right mind would want to look like that?

Just goes to show. You never know with strange hats.

"Looks can be deceiving, Miss Evans."

I couldn't resist I made a face at it.

"Now hold still so I can sort you."

A minute later, and it called out, "Gryffindor."

I went to the cheering table and sat down next to Daniel.

Looking at the table, I realised that there is a seating order… from what it looks like, it goes, 1st years at the front, 7th years at the back.

I am so observant! I should be a detective.

Sherlock Holmes in female. Daniel had made me read one of those books once. Speaking of that little devil, how could he not have told me?

I put a fake angry look on my face, and turned to him. "You!"

He looked at me, amusement playing on his face.

What is it with these people! They're all mad, I tell you. Everyone finds me amusing. Well ha ha, I'm bloody hilarious.

"Me?" he asks innocently.

"Yes you! How come you didn't tell me? What am I? A SSCM?" I ranted. Well that's a good point actually. That's a huge secret, one you wouldn't tell a SSCM.

"You didn't tell me either" he pointed out.

DAMITT! Stupid smart people. I huffed at him, before I filled my plate and turned the girl who was sitting on my other side.

"Hey" I greeted. She smiled at me, and then I realised that I had the attention of all her friends as well.

See? I am observant!

I am the Queen of observantness.

She was very pretty… as a matter of fact, so was her friend. I looked across the table. Her MALE friends were HOT!

Drools.

There isn't anything this good in Paris!

I looked back at the first girl. She has brown hair and brown eyes. She introduced herself as Sara Twaddle.

The girl sitting next to her had strawberry blonde hair and blue eyes. Her name was Rose McGellan.

"And those," she said to me, "Are the Marauders. The biggest womanising prats in the history of Hogwarts." Each male objected

"I'm Remus Lupin," the first one, with sandy blond hair said. "This is Peter Pettigrew," he pointed to a rat boy who looked too nervous to speak. "And this is-"

He was cut off. "I can introduce myself, Moony. I am THE Sirius Black, Woman enchanter extraordinaire!"

I laughed at him, as did everyone else.

"And, I am the best Marauder there is. I am James Potter."

Well at least they weren't cocky.

NOTE THE SARCASM!

"Hi, I'm Lily Evans."

The Marauders got incredulous looks on their faces. "You mean, Charles and Henry Evans sister? THE Lily Evans?" I looked warily at them.

I mean who wouldn't. People don't just know of you as soon as you say your name.

"Maybe."

"I'm sorry, I just have to do this." Sirius got up and shook my hand. I was still confused.

Maybe they're all insane and I'm the only normal one. Yes, that's what it is. They're insane. Unless…

"Henry and Charles are our hero's and mentors. They of course said that they'd be nothing with out you."

Yes it had happened. My stupid brothers had been telling people about all the 'accidents' cough pranks cough that I had pulled. I was kind of honoured at being recognised.

But I hate attention, so I changed the subject.

"Is this all the people in sixth year?" hey I was curious. There didn't seem to be many people.

"Well, no. There's the Hufflepuffs, the Ravenclaws, the-"

I laughed again. Wow. I had only been there for five minutes and already I had laughed more than my entire time at Beauxbatons.

"No, I mean in this house."

Realisation clicked on Rose's face. "No, there're a couple of others, but you can meet them when we go to the common room."

We laughed and joked all through dinner, until we got to dessert when James asked, "Do you like Quidditch?"

What to say to this? Should I tell them that the girls at Beauxbatons were too prissy to play a sport? Or that the only quidditch I played was with my brothers.

I settled for the truth. "I don't really know. I've never seen a real game." Everyone stared dumbstruck at me. I glared at them.

"I can't believe you actually told them," a voice said from my side.

I turned around and using my fabulous detective skills I determined that it came from Henry. He was laughing and high-fiving with his twin and my so-called best friend. I amazed me. I remembered that my glare wasn't working on them, so I gave it more heat.

They looked at me and immediately quietened. I was shocked. No, shocked was an understatement. It was AMAZING! They actually did what I wanted. I exchanged high fives with Amy and Alice, two girls from seventh year.

Dumbledore stood up and said something – I wasn't listening. Shmeh, I rarely do. But I could have had a little warning before being hauled out of my seat and push out of the great hall.

My new friends were pointing things out to me but it was all going woosh straight over my head.

Another thing that you should know. I have absolutely NO sense of direction whatsoever.

I would just have to stick to my friends like that burr stuck to my saddle cloth that time… needless to say my horse didn't like it very much and after about a minute of non-stop angry aggression (aka, bucking and rearing) I fell and snapped my arm.

I have suffered through a lot of pain.

Eventually we reached a portrait with a fat lady in a pink dress. James said the passwords – carpe diem – and we headed through into the cutest little room ever… well it wasn't really little. But there were/are all these little armchairs.

And that is where I am currently residing, writing this and waiting for Sirius to beat James at wizard chess.

Oh

My

Sweet

Merlin

He just lost. There goes 10 sickles.

Oh well. Time for bed now. I hope I meet the other people in my year and in my house tomorrow.

A/n: well there we go. The beginning of an interesting story. Don't judge it on the first chapter, as the first one is just to get everything sorted.

Well have a good Christmas!

Love Moi

R

E

V

I

E

W!


	2. Mother the freak!

A\n: Thanx to one of my wonderful reviewers who informed me that this was similar to another story. I went off and read the other story and it is really really good. You should all go and read it. Its called Absolute Shocker by Jamesroxmysox. It kinda puts me to shame coz mine is so similar but now I feel pleased, as I have a challenge. To make mine different, and special. Something that you guys will like and want to read.

To: Jamesroxmysox:

Sorry about the coincidence. I haven't read your story before now. I have no idea why its so similar… maybe its great minds think alike but that's weird. I'll try my best to change it. I'm really sorry.

Ok there goes my bit of seriousness for the week

Here I am, with the second update!

Read ahead my beautiful minions, to find out what lies beneath!

Great hall – Breakfast Time 

Oh

My

Sweet

Merlin!

I now fully understand why Rose and Sara do not sit nor associate with the other three girls in our dorm. They're crazy Beauxbaton freaks of make-up. CBFOM. Has a nice ring to it. I told Sara and rose, and they liked it. The name immediately stuck.

All hail Queen Lily, creator of great names!

Now, when I look back at this, it sounds like I am a cold bit-mean person. And I am not one, so lets recap and then I know that you will be siding with me.

Sara rose and I walked up the stairs to our dorm. Rather, they walked I stumbled – hey! I was tired. They of course laughed at me. Ha bloody ha real hilarious guys. More bruises.

I walked into my new home, and the first thing CBFOM number one says to me is, "Well I guess you're pretty enough. You should, like, really get a manicure and a hair cut."

Ok she hit a sore spot. I LOVE my hair. Almost as much as old bat mother loves Petunia.

Almost.

It's not possible to love something as much as that old bat loves my sister. It's seriously like a crime or something.

This girl who thinks… okay well I'll rephrase that, who says that my hair needs a cut is called Crystal Brooks. And I hate her already. She gives off that air that I am better than you. She reminds me so much of the girls at Beauxbatons that I want to strangle myself. Stupid stuck up snobs make me think suicidal thoughts.

How Rude.

Her two little lemmings, added their thoughts of "Like yeah" and "Totally."

Well that's what I think they said, as I wasn't really listening… Who would?

Anyways, Lemming number one calls itself Adrienne

And lemming number two calls itself Juliet.

I cannot deny that they are not pretty but they would be far far far more attractive if they wore less make up and didn't dress to look like a runaway prostitute.

I told them this.

I don't think that they like it very much, as Crystal is now charging at me with eyeliner.

Oh

My

Sweet

Merlin

Adrienne and Juliet just joined her, Adrienne armed with blush, and Juliet armed with foundation. I looked towards my _friends_ for help but the stupid prats just laughed at me and my predicament.

What's a girl to do when being chased by three CBFOM's? I ran out of the dorm, fell down the stairs, ran up the boys stairs and all the way to the seventh year dorm. I raced in without knocking.

Had I not been chased by CBFOM's I would have noticed that the sixth years were there too, but I didn't. All I saw was Daniel and I raced over to him, before hiding behind him.

He turned around.

The stupid ass turned around. I mean honestly! Could he be anymore obvious?

ISHK! Males.

"Lily what's wrong?" he asked me, panicking as he saw my wild eyes and beautifully bruising arm due to my latest fall down the stairs.

"Freaks, make up" I gasped.

How come everyone was staring at me weirdly? If you had three freaks coming after you with goop you'd run too.

Just then the door burst open, and the three CBFOM's entered.

They saw the make up in the girls hands and put two and two together.

Maybe they do have a streak of intelligence…

BAHAHAHAHAHAA!

Yeah right.

They started laughing at me. I poked my tongue out at them and pouted. The CBFOM's however, realised that there were male specimens in the room.

Very, VERY good looking male specimens.

The three girls immediately began fawning over the boys. I grinned at them, they look kinda mad.

I went and hugged each of the 11 men in the room, before skipping happily out, leaving the CBFOM's for them to deal with.

I went back to my room and fell asleep.

Next morning I got up and did my normal morning routine – aka going for a run. You must think that I am a morning person; well let me tell you, I am no such thing.

Ask Charles and Henry.

No, I like to run in the morning sometimes, if it means I get to be alone and enjoy the rising sun. I started to run around the lake. On my fourth time round I saw two other people there. Sam and Valentine, the other sixth year males. I ran over to them.

They greeted me warmly, and I sat down in between them.

People here are so nice. They have such a nice personality.

Due to my lack of friendship with these people – I've only just arrived, the only reason I found the grounds was because I flew down from my window – I decided to warn them about my er… lack of enthusiasm in the morning.

Ok scratch that. Enthusiasm is for positive people. That just isn't me. One time I tried to be positive I let my brothers get drunk and ended up cleaning up vomit.

Yes, cynical and pessimistic works so much better.

They thanked me for the warning, and soon the showed me back to my window so I could get ready for the day.

Now I am sitting at breakfast, writing this and thinking about how nice everyone is.

Everyone except the CBFOM's.

Great Hall – Lunch Time 

Its official. Going to a school with a bunch of idiot should be made illegal. I am sooo behind in transfiguration that even Peter Pettigrew will get better on his NEWTs than me. How embarrassing.

Professor McGonagall has assigned me a tutor. I really don't want one. Why cant I just fail? What's so bad about that? It might send my mother into cardiac arrest… there's even a plus side.

I don't know who my tutor is, but she said that I would find out before the end of today. I hope that it's someone good looking, so then at least if I get bored I have something good to look at… if it's male.

Oh

Dear

I'm starting to stress myself out. I will just not think about it until I get the letter.

One the other hand, professor Flitwick – our charms teacher – is mental. He is positively insane. There are no other words to describe it. He said that I had talent in charms.

Me? Talent?

That's Ludicrous.

However, he wanted to further prove his point by assigning me to be stuck with some third year for tutoring.

For them, Not me!

So now, some poor little third year has to take lessons from me. I hope that the hospital wing is close by.

I surprisingly haven't gotten lost once today… that maybe due to the fact that I have stuck to my friends like the glue stuck to the pottery of that vase that I broke one time.

Being underage really sucks sometimes.

Oh! Here come the marauders. They seem pleased about something, and I don't think that It was about their prank that they pulled this morning.

This morning, they charmed all the Slytherins to wear hats that were identical to the sorting hat. Most of them were pink or multi coloured but there were some that were black.

I know, not to the best of their skills – apparently – but they did it for me – apparently.

"Hey sugar's" Sirius greets us.

Sara blushes… think there could be something there?

Its worth more investigation.

"Hey sweetheart" I reply. He winks at me. I rolled my eyes at him.

oooh! An owl, and its heading to me. One thought crossed my mind.

Transfiguration.

The owl dropped the letter on my lap before flying out. I was about to open it, when another letter dropped on my plate. I looked up, another owl was flying out. A third owl flew in.

WHAT IS THIS?

Attack of the Lily with paper?

Hey, I think I recognise this owl. It's Metin, my owl.

Metin is Turkish for strong. And he definitely is. He landed on my shoulder and I patted him, and fed him some of the roll that I was eating. I was going to feed him chicken, but I don't want him to become a carnivore! Chicken is good. Who can resist it?

Anyway, I opened letter number one. Here I stuck it in.

_Lily,_

_You have transfiguration tutoring every Tuesday and Thursday at 7:00pm in the Library. Your tutor will be none other than James Potter as he is number one in transfiguration._

_I hope to see you improve,_

_Sincerely,_

_Professor McGonagall._

I however, got to the name James Potter and stopped reading. I gaped at him.

"What?"

What?

What?

WHAT?

You're my new tutor that's all. Nothing to big. He leaned over and read the letter.

"Oh"

Oh?

Oh?

OH?

"Anything to help the struggling." I glared at him.

He turned back to Sirius.

"Yes, Quidditch trials are this week-end."

My ears perked up a bit. Hmmm…

"What days are training?" Sirius asked. I think that James might be the captain.

"Monday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday."

Ok I am definitely not trying out. Boys are insane.

I turned back to letter number two.

_Dear Lily,_

_Thank you so much for volunteering to help a younger student. Your new student is Gabrielle O'Pare. If you could arrange a time to meet with her, it would be much appreciated._

_Thank you once again for your help,_

_Sincerely,_

_Professor Flitwick._

Sure, I'll just go and tell her right now.

NOT.

Grr, now I have to wast more time. Oh well. I guess if she needs it she couldn't be too bad, right?

Right.

Ignoring the chatter of my new friends about quidditch I regretfully opened the third letter.

_Dear Lillieane Marie,_

_I have written to your headmaster, and he has agreed to let you come home this weekend so that we can discuss wedding plans. With your unique hair colour, it's going to be hard to find a dress that will look good on you._

_Petunia is going to look absolutely wonderful. Why can't you be more like her? She's getting married at 21 to Vernon Dursely and you know how high up and rich he is don't you? He has a lot of power and money. Petunia could do better, but I know that she will be happy with him._

_Make sure that you get on that train on Friday afternoon. If you do not, you will never fly a broomstick again in your life. Petunia never did anything nearly as barbaric as that. Sport is for boys. _

_Until Friday afternoon,_

_Your Mother._

Oh

My

Sweet

Merlin

HOW DARE SHE?

What if I wanted to try out for quidditch? What if I had tutoring? Or homework? Or extra study to catch up on?

Petunia is an ugly horse! And she has the nerve to criticise my hair. Oh I am going to kill her the next time I see her.

I think the Three Weirdo's – Charles, Henry and Daniel – just caught the look on my face, because all three are walking over here, to find out what's wrong.

I am mad beyond belief and I cannot make a single word leave my mouth.

HOW DARE SHE!

I give the letter to them, my hand shaking in rage.

What am I going to do?

I could just not show up. That'd be a good idea. She can't stop me from riding my broomstick if I want to.

Just because I've never seen a match doesn't mean that I'm not any good.

I got my letter back, and we stood up to go to afternoon lessons.

Oh great, potions.

Ciao.

Beginning of Astronomy class 

So it turns out that Star boy and me are the only ones in our group who chose astronomy. I find it hilarious that Star Boy does it. How ironic that today we're going to start with looking at Sirius (the star).

He seems really into it… that is more that what I can say for potions.

Potions was my first experience of the Slytherins, and their head of house.

Oh

My

Sweet

Merlin

Professor Slughorn is the biggest suck up I have ever met. Apparently he has parties – invite only – for students who have connections to rich and famous people.

NOTE to self: do not ever mention parents name to this physco professor. You will be forced to go to boring parties and socialize with boring people.

Alas as soon as I walked in he seemed to know exactly who I was, and all about my cough social status cough in society.

DANM CHARLES AND HENRY RUIN EVERYTHING!

They must get it from my mother.

At least I'll get to see daddy when I go home. AHHH! I sound positive.

Slughorn even knew who my professor was at my old school. He said something about expecting great things from me.

WHATEVER!

I am like THE worst potion maker ever. EVER!

Imagine my surprise when I finished the potion that we were making first! I almost fell off my chair. However I am pleased to report that I didn't, and that I have not stacked it once today.

I am so proud.

I found myself thinking, that maybe I do actually have potions talent…

NAH!

That's just ludicrous.

Star boy and I have taken to calling each other pet names. I think that it all started in the great hall at lunch…

Who cares when it started! It's sooo much fun.

"Hey, babe" I whispered to Sirius in Astronomy.

He stopped paying attention to the teacher and turned to me.

"Yes, sexy?"

"What page are we on?"

He rolled his eyes at me. HE rolled HIS eyes at ME? I thought that I was supposed to be the one with the unnaturally weird eye rolling talent. Hmph!

"92"

"Thanks honey"

"No problem, cutiepie."

Awwww, no one has ever called me that before! Much to my amazement he went back to paying attention. The Marauders are weird.

I think Professor Ajay is asking me something. I have to go.

See ya later!

Gryffindor Common Room – After Dinner 

I have discovered that James Potter is HILARIOUS! I have been laughing all night. Our other friends ditched us, so we stayed in the common room in front of the fire. I have also discovered that James Potter is the King of wizard chess.

So I am currently sitting here, locked in a fierce battle with him. I think that's he's winning, but what do you expect? Do you not remember me saying that I have no sense of advance planing? Well, that is why I am losing.

OMG! I accidentally got James in check mate!

I BEAT JAMES POTTER

THE JAMES POTTER!

Victory dance!

"Take that Potter," I said in the middle of my victory dance. I jumped up and down on the couch.

He stood up. I momentarily stopped my bouncing to look at him. He has a maniacal look on his face. He's advancing on me.

I am scared!

You would be too if you had a huge baboon with heaps and heaps of muscles charging at you. and what nice muscles they are too.

Yum!

OUCH! I tried to get away from him, and fell over the back of the chair.

DANMITT!

I was hoping to make it an entire day without stacking it. It seems like that's just no possible at all. Gravity is just pure evil I tell.

As is James Potter.

He jumped graciously over the back of the chair. Now I really hate him. It's not fair! I want to be able to do that!

He jumped on me, and started to tickle me. I am the most ticklish person who ever walked the earth.

"Whose the best chess player in the world?"

"I am." I squealed as he tickled me harder.

"Wrong."

He tickled me harder.

"You are, you are!"

"And who is the most sexiest wizard in Hogwarts?"

"Sirius"

"Wrong" he tickled me harder. I'm going to die. I cannot breath at all.

"She has you there mate" he said.

I looked in the direction of where the voice came, only to see his legs. James still wouldn't cease tickling me.

"You are, you are."

"Very good"

He looked into my eyes. I looked into his.

His eyes are the most beautiful hazel I have ever seen. Heat passed through me as I got lost in his eyes.

"Ahem."

We sprung apart like rabbits caught in the headlights. Well, what I imagine rabbits would do when caught in headlights, as I have never actually seen one.

NOTE to self: James Potter has the most GORGEOUS eyes. Try and avoid being alone with him, as things will be awkward now. Always bring reinforcements.

"_I think you like him."_

AHHH! I'm talking to myself. Well, I might as well answer.

"Who are you?"

"_I am your conscience."_

I don't want a conscience. I might actually feel guilty if I pull a prank, or hurt my brothers. I gulped.

"I do NOT under any circumstances like James Potter."

"We'll see." 

I mentally stuck my tongue out at it. We'll see nothing. I don't like him and that's that.

Then why would it be awkward?

I'm confusing myself. I'm going to go and hang with Daniel now. He won't confuse me… I STILL cannot believe that he didn't tell me.

ISHK!

Men!

A/n: ok guys, how was that? I'm hoping that I'm moving away from Jamesroxmysox's story. I'm really sorry about that. I don't believe in coincidence, but I know that I didn't read it… oh well…

SORRY!

Have a good day for my guys, and enjoy it!

REVIEW PLEASE!

\/


	3. Impending Doom

**A/n:** I have contacted Jen – Jamesroxmysox - and she has given her okay with the story. She likes it.

I think that the more humorous stories we can get written the better, with all the bad things happening in the world.

Now that I have added my serious input, let's continue!

My piece of advice for this chapter is:

DRINK RED CORDIAL AS IT IS THE BEST DRINK EVER! WHEN YOU'RE ON A SUGAR HIGH, NOTHING REALLY MATTER'S EXCEPT THE LAUGHTER!

Chapter 3: Impending Doom

**

* * *

**

**The Lake – Two Days Until I Leave**

I HATE MY BROTHER'S.

They're so annoying. I should write a letter to mother telling her that they need to get formal wear for Petunia's wedding… I think she mentioned it once… or twice or possibly 50 times.

Possibly.

They know just how much I hate to go shopping with my mother. Well they keep reminding me of the impending doom that I am about to face. I mean, do they not care that they soon will be short a sibling? Is it so much to ask for a little bit of sibling love?

Apparently.

That, or they just take pleasure in torturing me. Stupid brothers making me think homicidal thoughts. Gr!

On the other hand, I think that I am fitting in quite well… well I really love it here! It's amazing! Everyone is so nice, and they have a wider attention span than 10 seconds before it is taken by make up or the latest magazine.

James and I have agreed that we shouldn't start my tutoring until next week, as I still need time to settle in and learn my way around. Really, I am just lazy!

I have contacted my little tutoree as well. She sounds so cute! A little third year with the name Gabrielle O'Pare. I bet that she is a gorgeous little timid thing. She sent a letter back agreeing that it would be best if we started next week as well. I'm actually kind of excited!

I like my brother's friends. They're amazing and are calling me they're little sister already. I don't mind at all… except I think that it might be a jibe at my shortness.

OK people, lets leave the short people alone. I know it, you know, everyone knows it! You don't need to keep reminding me every 10 seconds.

ISHK!

Which is exactly what my brothers are doing. Reminding me of my impending doom.

Shopping with mother.

I cannot think of anything worse than that. Wait scratch that. Yes I can. Shopping with mother _and_ Petunia.

Shudder.

That's bad.

That's very bad.

I don't even know why we're looking at dresses now. The actual wedding isn't until the summer holidays. That's nine and a half months away if you hadn't noticed.

ISHK!

Talk about obsessed.

I'm kind of a bit nervous about intruding on Rose and Sara though. I keep giving them time to themselves. That's what I'm doing right now. I don't want to intrude and ruin their or our new friendship. I must talk to them about it sometime.

Or not.

I do NOT under any circumstances do well under confrontation. I like to avoid it at all costs. No, confrontation is NOT part of life that you have to live with when you can avoid it.

It's like detention.

If you can talk your way out of detention and in fact do not have to do it, then all the better to you. You don't have to waste your time. I take my hat off to those who can do that.

I am sadly not one of them.

If I'm late to class then I can just say that I was at the hospital wing. The teacher's tend to believe that, mainly because it's true.

What a sad life I lead… having the record for the most amount of hospital visits and not be counted as a hypochondriac. I am so proud!

I have to go now. I'm supposed to be having my first quidditch lesson from James, Sirius, Charles, Henry and Daniel even though Daniel isn't on the team.

As this may very well be the last entry that I ever write, I would like to wish you the best of luck in your career as a…

Diary.

And what a wonderful diary you are too.

Anyways, I am now walking off to my death. Have a good day.

**

* * *

**

**Common Room – 9:00 After Quidditch Practice**

Oh

My

Sweet

Merlin

Men are insane.

There is no other word for it.

Ok so I didn't die, but I feel like I was killed by raging bludger's who grew hands so that they could wield guns and shoot me. Then feed me to the sharks. Then wave their scary little magic wands and poof I am alive again and living through the pain of dying.

And it hurts.

Quidditch is a wonderful game, and I would love to attend a real game but seriously? Is the training – and killing yourself and others – really worth it?

I am putting it down to male testosterone. What else could it be?

Insanity.

Here's what happened.

I was late because I was writing in this diary. Well when they told me that I was going to put in another hour to make up for it they weren't kidding. Honestly, I was only 5 minutes late. Seriously!

Insane.

I arrived at 4pm and was expecting my _lesson_ to last for no longer than an hour. But nooooo! I hate knowing physco boys. Maybe I should just not learn how to play… this was looking like a good option. A very VERY good option. But no.

They forced me into red quidditch robes saying that they're the ones the first years use. I couldn't tell if they were joking or not.

"Ok. There's 3 chasers who score with 1 quaffle through the goal hoops. 1 keeper to defend the goal hoops. 2 beaters to hits a bludger at the opposing team and 1 seeker to catch the golden snitch," James said.

He said it in about the space of 2 seconds, so I was standing there deciphering his words, wondering what a quaffle and snitch was. Due to the twins being beaters I knew all about their position.

I feel so proud.

He threw a ball at me. My reflexes caught it.

Barely.

I would like to take the time to point out that I still wasn't sure about what the heck he was talking about. Insane I tell you.

Apparently he had ordered me onto my broom because the next thing he said was, "If you don't get your cute little butt onto that broom in the next 10 seconds I am going to take your broomstick – which is rather quite nice – and knock you out, then feed you to hippogriffs who will eat you then regeratate your pretty red hair. Then I will lock you in a chest and drown you. Got it?"

Geez! Talk about agro! He was talking for longer than 10 seconds to me, so technically my cute butt and pretty hair's fate is sealed.

WAIT A MOMENT

Cute butt?

Pretty hair?

Did he just compliment me at the same time as give me a death threat? Maybe men can multi-task…

BAHAHAHAHAAA!

That's ludicrous!

Maybe he actually thinks that…

OMG! What if it'll lead to awkward silence?

I haven't been alone with James Potter since our little… moment as Sara and Rose like to call it.

Pish posh! Moment my cute butt! I was merely observing his beautiful eyes.

"_They make him look very sexy don't they?"_

yes, yes they do.

WAIT!

WHAT?

Danm conscience. I would rub this out, but I don't have my wand with me at the moment… I'm not actually sure where it is… that's a good question.

Anyways, I did indeed jump on my nice broom – it should be nice, it cost enough – and for the first hour, I did what they like to call drills. Flying skills with no balls. Well for me anyway. For the men… well that's another case wink.

Naughty Lily. Stop thinking about James Potter.

NOTE to self: stop thinking about James potter as it is turning you into one of his fan club groupies. shudder I don't think that I could sink as low as that. But you never know.

After an hour, James demonstrated to me the chaser's job. He was showing me for the fifth time when I got bored.

Who wants to watch some prat throw a ball through a hoop? I want action!

So I took it!

I flew over to him and easily stole the ball from his hands, and scoring with no problems. All five of them looked shocked.

"What?"

They looked cautiously at each other then at me.

Daniel shrugged, and a sly smile made its way to his face.

"How come someone so clumsy on the ground, is so good in the sky?"

I dropped my jaw in dignity… If I have any left. "Why you little-" I flew over to him and we started to fight, 45 feet about the ground. Yes, very safe indeed.

"Okay, break it up."

James. Always the responsible one…

BAHAHAHAAA!

In what world is he responsible? Definitely not this one.

"Okay, let's bring in the beaters," he nodded to the twins, "And our keeper," he nodded to Sirius, "Dan and me'll play chaser with you Lillers."

Everyone flew off into position and the game started.

I never want to do that again. Not that it wasn't fun, but now I cannot move a single muscle in my body. They said that I have natural talent.

I laughed at them.

After four hours, and skipping dinner, I was finally released from the devils grip and allowed to go back to my room. I trudged up the stairs with Sirius and Dan. Them poking fun at me, and me ignoring them.

Prats.

Repeat after me, my pain is NOT funny.

I went up to my room and took a shower with the water on full heat, hoping to release some of my muscles.

After, I dragged my poor insomniac body down to the common room which is where I am now, writing this.

It's strange. Its only 9:16 and the common room is deserted… maybe everyone went in for an early night. Not that I'm complaining… peace and quiet for me.

YAY! SILENCE.

Except the fire is roaring.

WAIT!

The fire is roaring.

I looked at it, and sure enough a lions head was in it. And it was roaring. Oh well, at least I'm not going mental… everyone else is!

"Like it?"

I turned around so fast, that I lost my footing. Hey, even if I turned around slowly I still would have most likely lost my footing. Strong and nicely muscled arms caught me.

So now, I am sitting on James Potter's lap, having a heart attack while he laughs at me.

My pain is NOT funny. Why can no one see that?

ISHK!

Looking at the fire, I realise that the lion is gone. Oh well, it was disturbing the silence.

I oh so gracefully rolled off James Potter's lap – which I think you ought to know is very VERY comfortable – and onto the sofa, where I let out a feral animal groan. Any normal person would have run away, and run fast. But not James Potter as he is a freak.

"What's up?"

well lets see. I have just been chased by baboons for FOUR hours, during which time, said baboons attacked me with balls of varying types. The baboons made me miss dinner and now I am hungry and in need of painkiller. Oh did I mention, I stacked it and added MORE pain to my poor injury ridden body? Did I? Did I? Did I?

No.

All I said was, "Pain, Hungry."

Talking is way way way too much effort at the moment.

The stairs creaked and Sirius came into view.

Oh great. Two of the said baboons. I wonder if anyone will be able to hear it if I scream…

"Liller's"

NOTE to self: Kill Stupid brother's and ex-best friend as the nick name Lillers has now stuck to everyone that I come in contact with. Maybe I should get a nice big bubble and live in that for the rest of my life.

Then I wouldn't have to play quidditch with huge, hairy, smelly monkeys!

Sirius – that stupid man-thing – promptly tackled me, causing me to release yet another groan.

WHY IS HE LAUGHING AT ME?

This isn't fair.

I don't have huge man muscles like them. I would like them to remember that I have been living with a bunch of sissies for the last FIVE years, and in that time, I have never seen them so much as speak of sport let alone play it. The point of my story is, that my muscles are non-existent.

"I brought the cloak and the map," Sirius said.

I perked up slightly. Things sounded like an adventure.

Congratulations to me. I have now hit an all-time high in unbelievableness. I am able to look like the living dead while still being perky!

Take that Mademoiselle de Clare. Show's you who can and cant be perky and enthusiastic. What weirdo would dedicate her life to etiquette anyway? Besides – this is what I told her – enthusiasm means that your positive, and positiveness just doesn't work for me. Like this one time I decided to actually obey my mother and clean the picture frames in the hallways. I was on the second level, and I slipped on some water and fell over the railing. Luckily my magic stopped my fall or I would be a goner for sure. It was kinda fun.

Maybe I should do it again…

Anyway, James has been talking to me for quite a while, saying something about an invisibility cloak and a map. Ooh! I think he just mentioned kitchens. I like the sound of that. Food. YAY! He did just mention the kitchens!

Onward Christian Soldiers!

Danm priest, teaching me church songs. How come they always have catchy tunes and get stuck in your head? Has anyone noticed this?

Too bad.

Anyway, we're finally leaving to get food! Yay!

I'll see you later.

**

* * *

**

**History of Magic – 6 & ½ hours until doom**

So we ended up going to the kitchens where I was able to get some pain killer… thank god.

Anyway, I have just come from Dumbledore's office. And let me say this, he is one AWSOME bloke!

He told me that there would be a carriage to take me to The Three Broomsticks and Hogsmeade and that I would floo to the Leaky Cauldron in London, where my daddy would pick me up. But that's not why he's awesome.

I have tried conjuring coffee before, but all it tastes like is this muddy junk stuff.

Shudder.

No one, I repeat no one deserves to drink that stuff. I cannot believe that my conjuring skills are so bad… I think that I might have been because I didn't know what kind of coffee I wanted, but that's beside the point.

I asked Dumbledore if the house elves would mind serving coffee at breakfast, and he said that he didn't think so – that they would mind – but he would check.

As long as Sirius doesn't get any, I'm happy.

Now I have a chance of functioning in the mornings! Sara and Rose will be so happy to hear!

Anyway, I have plotted my revenge on Charlie and Teddy (Henry).

I usually call Henry Teddy because it was easier for me to say when I was a child. Teddy is short for Edward.

Back to my sweet sweet revenge on Charlie and Tedward! Well its not really sweet because it's evil!

I have found a charm to make their clothes invisible to everyone except them. Not their boxer shorts though. I have different plans for them.

MWAHAHAAA!

Evilness!

Excuse me while I bath in my evilness!

I plan on casting the spells tonight, as they will take effect in the morning, when I am not there. Serves them right quite frankly.

I do NOT need constant reminders that I'm going to face doom.

Oh

My

Sweet

Merlin!

Could Professor Binns be anymore boring? I usually like history… sorta. But this, this is just cruel torture… kinda like my wonderful conjured coffee.

Hey, I think he asked me something hold on.

Back.

I cannot believe that. He asked me where his chalk was. As if I'm going to know, I'm the new kid aren't I? I however used my wonderful skills of observation to detect that it was on his desk. You want to know what he did?

HE STARED BLANKLY AT ME!

I mean seriously! Does the man not know what a desk is? I took the liberty of pointing it out to him. I don't think he liked it very much, as now he is scowling at me.

Oh well.

Have a cry.

Now back to Charlie and Tedward's boxers. I have every intention of turning them bright pink, with words that will profess their undying love to Daniel.

THAT'S A BRILLANT IDEA!

I could make them love Daniel for 5 minutes every hour! That way I get him as well!

Insert victory dance here.

That'll show 'em! GREAT things come in small packages!

At last the bell rang.

Ciao talk to you later.

**

* * *

**

**Great Hall – Lunch Time 4 & ½ hours 'til doom**

I

AM

IN

A

PROGRESSIVELY

BAD

MOOD

AS

THE

DAY

GOES

ON.

GRRRR.

The only thing that is keeping me sane is my prank on the twins and seeing my dad. He is the coolest dad in the world, and strongly disagrees with my mother and most of her social climbing antics.

Note the word MOST.

The reason is that he, yes I am ashamed to admit, actually likes some of the privileges that being up high in the social ladder brings.

I guess favours can come in handy when you're a lawyer.

That's probably the one thing that we disagree on.

I'm sitting picking at my lunch, as I am currently not hungry. Who would be if they knew two days of torture awaited?

Besides, I have double potions this afternoon, and Professor Slughorn continues to try to suck up to me. I keep being a brat back to him. Don't look at me like that; I'll stop when he does. All I want is to be just another student.

I HATE being the centre of attention remember?

The Slytherin's and Sara and Rose make it even worse.

You see, there is this one boy and he acts like the Prince of Slytherin… he looks rather like a Prince as well…

Anyway, him and his friends keep pointing and whispering about me. Sara and Rose are convinced he likes me, but the Marauders and me find that extremely hilarious.

I have discovered another of the Marauder's secrets.

Remus Lupin is a…

EXTREMELY GOOD STUDY PARTNER!

He is very very, very, smart and dedicated to his work. He enjoys the silence when he works just like I do, but I hate to study alone so we are now official…

STUDY BUDDIES!

Reading this it sounds way, way more cheerful than what I feel, so I am going to go now. That and the fact that the bell just rang.

**

* * *

**

**Common Room – 20 minutes until I leave. Doom awaits me.**

I want to go up to the Astronomy Tower and throw myself off of it.

You see, that's how much I hate shopping with Mother and Petunia. Don't get me wrong; I love shopping with my friends, its just that most of them don't like to go shopping.

I have been brought up around girls who are posh – just like the ones at Beauxbatons, so I don't really have many _girl_ friends. I do however have a large supply of _male_ friends as they, and I quotes, "Find me super awesome and interesting."

Whatever that means.

Is interesting a compliment or an insult? I'm not sure. Yes, right now I am wasting time.

Oh

My

Sweet

Merlin

I just remembered. I have go and put those charms on the twin's clothes and tell you about potions.

I am using the small, itsy-bitsy amount of common sense and advance planning to decide that I'll do the twins now so I don't run out of time.

Ciao!

**

* * *

**

**Hogwarts Carriage – On They Way To Hogsmeade**

My prank of Charlie and Henry went well. I'm pretty sure I got all the spells right! And what's more, I did it without stacking it once.

I am so proud!

Now, onto the Slytherins.

I think that I might have gotten them off my back at last! Well, that's what I thought until Sara told me what they were saying after.

I had finished my potion and the fat slug, being the slug that he is, was saying how well I had done it, etc. etc. I wasn't listening. Never do really.

Anyway, I got really mad at him and cough asked cough him to stop doing that.

You want to know what he said?

He chuckled. "But dear, we all need a little ego boost once in a while."

That made me mad. I do NOT need an ego boost. Who does he want to turn me into? My mother? Sirius? James? Yes all three had excess amounts of ego. Remus doesn't though. He's so nice.

Those stupid Slytherin's sniggered at me. I turned on them.

"I would rather be modest than you."

It's not necessarily a good insult, but in my immediate defence I WAS seeing red spots. Gr. Annoying teacher and annoying classmates.

I HATE potions.

I stormed out of the room. I was perfectly 100 content in thinking I wouldn't have to deal with either party again, until my 'friends' found me half an hour later.

"Liller's, that was AWSOME!"

That was Rose. She has way too much energy.

"At least I wont have to deal with them again."

Sara didn't look so sure. What's not to be sure about? I got mad at them, and stormed out of that professor's class.

"Lillers when you left, the Slug chuckled again, and said something about admiring you because you can handle yourself."

I growled. I don't get called Tigerlily for nothing.

Rose then swore that she saw the Slytherin's – especially their Prince (aka Malfoy) – agreeing with him.

So now I am in an even worse mood than what I would ordinarily have to be in.

Oh

Great

Scott

The carriage just stopped.

Well I'm off to die now.

I hope that someone one day will read this - hopefully in many years when the Twins have forgiven me as it would be rather incriminating as my plan of their downfall is in here - and find out how torturous my mother really is.

Well, I'll keep writing if I survive.

Ciao.

* * *

**A/N:** well there we go. I'm hoping that people are beginning to be able to see the difference in my story and Jamesroxmysox's story, Absolute Shocker.

Trust me it's different.

* * *

Please drop a review, even if it's one word long.

THANK YOU FOR JUST READING IT!


	4. the HORIBLE situation at home

**A/n:** hey, introducing chapter four!

CHAPTER QUOTE:

never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command

- Alan Watts

**

* * *

**

**In Hiding – The Library at Home**

I

Really

REALLY

Hate

That

THING

I have been home for about 4 hours more or less, and so far I am undecided between which torture is worse.

Beauxbatons or Mother?

I walked through the door, and already mother was berating my choice in clothes.

WHAT is so wrong with jeans that have a hole right near your buttocks?

Nothing.

But noooo, mother doesn't see it like that. She gave me a lecture about wearing proper clothes for people of our high status.

Like I care.

Honestly! With the cold war taking up the attention of the muggle world, adding extra-unneeded stress to innocents, I would like to think that we could dress the way we want to. It's a statement of identity! Without it I would be…

HAVING AN IDENTITY CRISIS!

I should really go and see Dr. Alex Lutsworth. He's the phycologist who works with criminals for my dad.

On second thought, my MOTHER should see him. She fits all the categories of his patients.

Insane: Check.

Delusional: Check

Criminal: Check

After all, she did steal my identity.

That would actually make a fabulous story – if only because it stars me:

Lily Evans and the Indentityless Identity

I'm turning into Potter or Black! It's the Slug's entire fault that I am now growing an ego.

NOTE to self: learn how to prune your ego so it doesn't grow to large and hard to handle other wise you're going to turn into what you really hate: and egoistical prat!

That's a very important note.

Anyway, after berating my clothing choice for an hour – this would have gone on for much longer, but my wonderful dad asked when dinner would be, and my mother as she is very eager to please him, went and got it – we had dinner. Of course, the entire time was taken up by wedding talk between Petunia and Mother.

Dad and I had a foot wrestle under the table.

I can imagine the face of those two power hungry idiots if they found out… HAHAHAAA! I would finally have some amusement around this place.

"Lilieanne, I put the clothes that you are going to be wearing tomorrow, and another set that you will be wearing on Sunday before you leave, on your bed. I'm expecting you to hang them up…"

I stopped listening after that.

Bloody woman! Choosing my clothes for me. There's no justice in this.

NOTE to self: look up Dr. Alex's number as mother might need him immediately.

"ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?"

I think she was really REALLY mad at this point. The Vein in her temple started to pulse.

Oh yea, she was DEFFINITELY mad.

"Of course mother. I'm sure your clothes choice will be perfect."

So I had no idea what in Merlin's beard she was talking about, but so what! If I compliment her then she'll forget all about it.

Everyone at the table stared at me gobsmacked.

WHAT?

Am I really that good a liar? Maybe I am!

Hee hee hee! I can use this to my advantage! I can start to lie to get myself out of trouble.

"LILIEANNE DO NOT LIE TO ME. YOU HATE THE CLOTHES THAT I CHOOSE…"

GR!

I told you that I wasn't one of those people who can lie to get out of detention; well the same theory applies here.

Thank you God - or whoever is up there looking down on us – for my dad! At this point The Vein – that throbs whenever she gets really mad – was beating so fast and hard that you would notice it even out of the side of your eye.

Maybe she'll have an apoplexy.

Anyway, my dad got up and went over to her. He started to massage her shoulders, while indicating for me and Petunia to leave. We did so, me gladly and Petunia with a worried look on her face.

On second thoughts, I am worried too. My dad is in there alone!

"Good work freak" Petunia screeched at me as soon as the door closed. "I wish you wouldn't come to my wedding." And with that she stormed off somewhere.

So I have been here for four hours and already have gotten into MAJOR fights with the female half of my family.

You see what having no _ordinary_ female contact has done to me?

ISHK!

Anyway, so tomorrow I will most likely be forced into 100 thousand different dresses and then we'll settle on the first one that I tried on.

They knowingly do it to me.

Torture I tell you! There is no other word to describe it.

TORTURE!

Well I'm going to go to bed now, before my big torture day tomorrow.

Ciao!

* * *

**The Kitchen – Before I Have To Leave**

So I decided that maybe dressing the way I wanted just to disregard mother wasn't the smartest thing in the world to do. So I grudgingly – and with much struggling and mental encouraging (you see how sad I am? I have to give myself encouragement) – put on the beige jacket with a green under shirt – which is rather nice – matching beige dress pants and stilettos.

Just to make it up to my mother for last night, I straightened my wonderful red curls and yes, as degrading as this is to admit, I also put on make up.

I never realised how long my hair is…

Oh

My

Sweet

Merlin!

I look like a hideous pig who should go and die.

My dad just walking in holding a coffee mug and upon seeing me, he promptly dropped it on the beautiful white tiles, spilling the glorious black goop all over them.

He's staring at me.

WHAT?

I didn't think I looked that bad! I mean, I don't look like the CBFOM's…

DO I?

OH

MY

SWEET

MERLIN!

I

DO!

Wait on, my dads saying something.

…

"Wow. You look amazing!"

Maybe I don't look like a CBFOM! I mean, if I did I would have to kill myself.

Well, now all I have to do is face the final test.

Mother.

"Lily"

Merlin's beard. That's her and now I have no way to avoid it.

Hey, idea's to get out of it have been swimming through my head for the entire morning. My favourite one is the one where I transfigure myself into a monkey, where I climb onto the top of the house. Then when I'm up there, I conjure a HUGE block of chocolate, then transfigure into a bird and fly away.

I love flying.

Just not with crazy baboons who take pleasure in killing me and find my pain amusing.

Yes, there is always and exception.

Wait. There cant ALWAYS be an exception. If there was an exception to everything then the term 'there's always an exception' wouldn't exist.

Which it does.

Okay… I have no idea if that makes sense to you, but it makes sense to me Grins like a wolf

Right, yes, now. We're a bit off topic. So mother called my name. I walked in to the entrance hallway from the kitchen holding glorious coffee in a – stylish – travel mug.

WHAT is it with these people and dropping things?

ISHK!

Yes, mother dropped her bag when she saw me. Great minds think alike.

I'm sorry daddy. I used to think that you were the greatest and the bestest and had the greatest and the bestest mind in the world… but you just proved me wrong.

On the other hand it could be the second part of the saying.

And fools never differ.

Yes, he is a fool. After all, he had me…

Anyway, we are off topic again.

Mother rushed over and hugged me, saying how beautiful I looked and how I looked like a lady of my status, blah blah blah.

I lost interest.

Reading this I realise something.

Me and my MOTHER hugged. Miracles really do happen. It seems as though I have entered an alternate universe…

Oh well. At least she forgot the fight.

* * *

**Ice Cream Parlour – 4:00 in the afternoon**

Something has hit my mom.

I need to call the doctor or a healer or SOMEONE!

Okay I'll give you a recap.

So far I have:

1) Tried on a gazillion dresses

2) Brought 5 pairs of shoes

3) Brought 2 skirts

4) Brought 4 pairs of jeans

5) Brought 3 pairs of shorts

6) Brought a couple of short clubbing dresses

7) been threatened by Petunia

8) Been adored by mother

9) Been cat-called and slapped on the ass too many times to count

10) Been fussed over by all of the shop owners who know me and my mother (all very VERY posh shops)

11) Been asked out 11 and a half times

12) Convinced her to take us to get milkshakes

Yes, today has been more than a miracle. It's been…

Fun.

Please pretend you never heard/saw that.

I'm insane.

I need to see Dr. Alex.

Now.

Anyways.

Yes, the first six of those things are pretty self-explanatory. Just shopping. Now number seven. That makes for a GREAT story.

HAHAHAAA!

Allow me time to laugh.

Yes, when mother was engaged talking to a shop assistant – who kept eyeing me… I think they were talking about me. Can I have no privacy?

ISHK!

Well at the time I was wearing a gorgeous blue gown that said shop owner had forced me to try on because I 'have the right bone structure.'

WHATEVER!

I think she was referring to my skinny little runtedness… GR! I'll show her! Good things DO come in small packages…

Anyway! Petunia was mad at all the attention the old bat was giving me. I mean along with the clothes, mother was buying me any little bit of jewellery I admired – yes, we can afford it – and Petunia was upset with me about it.

If I get this many AWSOME! things, I will have to dress up more often…

Or NOT!

Anyway.

She walked up to me, and stuck her bony face in front of mine. The only thing that I could think was that she had really REALLY bad breath. I think that I should introduce her to a toothbrush. That would make a good wedding present… what the merlin… I canNOT wait that long!

She opened her thin lips and breathed into my face. I mean I know that I'm a skinny runt but seriously! Is it necessary to do that?

"Stop attention seeking. Mother maybe falling for your tricks, witch, but I am not. This is _my_ wedding! I WANT the attention. Freak."

She looked down at me, in what she must have thought was a threatening look. Really, it made her look like a constipated penguin.

Penguins are going to take over the world. Wait no. Scratch that.

Crazy Evil Dancing Penguins are going to take over the world. And I know it.

I think that my purpose in life maybe to bring about awareness of the penguins secret plan and NOT create mass hysteria… I mean we've all seen how that goes. I mean, look at the Salem Witch Burnings… of course no witch's were killed but the whole thing was based on false accusation and mass-hysteria.

Anyway, back to Petunia.

I was trying to keep a straight face while she looked down on me.

Never look down on someone unless you're helping them up.

Honestly.

ISHK!

The laughter that was building up in me over flowed and I burst out laughing. She hmphed and walked away.

Hey, it might not be as funny as it is to me to you but you haven't had to live with her for sixteen years.

Everything that comes after that is extremely EXTREMELY unusual. Yes, you may wonder how you can be half asked out. Well we was half way through the question when he was dragged away by his mate.

But what's the scariest is that mother seems to be _enjoying_ the milkshakes and the booth. Oh dear.

Must go and drown my self.

Ciao.

* * *

**Early Sunday Morning**

So dinner last night was rather laid back and relax. I did indeed try and drown myself that night in the shower… but for some strange reason the shower wouldn't fill up…

The mysteries of life

Today I am going shopping with mother again, and today I've dressed up, as I like to call it. Just to enforce to mother that I really am quite sorry.

I am however, having cromprehending issues. I mean, all I have to do is dress nicely and she loves me?

Aren't mothers supposed to supple eternal love or something? Where they will love you no matter what?

ISHK!

Anyways, I must go now for another day of fun… torture.

* * *

**Home – 4:30**

**How**

**Could**

**She**

**Do**

**That**

**Too**

Me? 

We were having a lovely time. Fun even, and then she goes and ruins it.

I'm a ragdoll with floppy emotions!

I'll tell you what she did! We got home, and she told me that the man that she was talking to today was from some big brand company offering me a modelling job. Well of course she said yes. She didn't even ask me.

I mean HELLO? AM I INVISIBLE? Do I have free will? Do I even get a chance to speak my mind?

Well I told her this in a… slightly raised voice, and of course the evil yelled back about how it would bring honour to the family, blah blah blah.

My humiliation brings attention to the family? She takes pleasure in my pain. Everyone does. The whole world is against me.

EVERYONE.

Now I am packing my bag to leave earlier than expected. I do NOT care that I am still wearing mother's social climbing clothes, or that I still look _pretty._ I just want to get out of there.

I'm going to say bye to my dad.

* * *

**Knight Bus**

So I stormed out of the house. So what? Its nothing compared to the betrayal of my mother.

Yes, I have a redhead temper. I also managed to send a letter to Dumbledore, thanking him, and informing him that I would catch the knight bus back to school.

So now I am going to sit and fume at my family, and think about the massive beyond massive fight I just had.

Ciao.

* * *

**A/n:** hey guys, this is it. Enjoy!

Especially enjoy life!

* * *

REVIEW PLEASE!


	5. The Final Straw! Insanity reached

**A/N:** hey guys!

How are you all? Good I hope… I can ramble on for ages D but lets not get distracted. First off,

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I hope you all enjoy your time away from school! Coming from Australia I am on my summer vacation at the moment and loving it! I'm going away soon to America, first time on a plane!

* * *

Secondly, we have this chapter's quote:

'A big shot is a little shot that kept shooting'

-unknown

so keep shooting guys, and remember you can do what you want, be what you want, and think what you want. It's all up to you!

* * *

thirdly, special mention:

Thank you to Tas, who sent me a very funny line that I added – read it and u'll find it. It fits in perfectly!

* * *

Fourthly,

Enjoy reading this, and I hope that it adds a little bit of laughter or smiles to your day – or night.

* * *

**Hogwarts – Common Room**

**OH**

**MY**

**SWEET**

**MERLIN!**

You are never NEVER going to believe what happened to me.

_I_ cannot believe what happened to me.

I

Am

So

Embarrassed

Ok I'll start from the beginning, so that you can share my embarrassment with me…

I got off the knight bus at Hgosmeade, and found one of those adoringly cute little carriage things there waiting for me.

It dropped me a little in from the school gates where it stopped so I got off. I mean… that's the intelligent thing to do! Anyway, the carriage turned around and went back to Hogwarts. I guess it had a higher calling…

Little insignificant me!

I fumed my way up the path to school.

Ok let's get one thing sorted out right here, right now. I was NOT fuming about the carriage not taking me the entire way.

I WAS fuming about that THING! How could she do that to me? One of her own?

Commotion caught my attention. Hey, I am actually a very VERY curious person. And with out a second thought – or a first one for that matter – about my safety I headed over to the quidditch pitch.

I stood at the entrance to the pitch, looking at the scene before me.

I leave this place for FIVE minutes and this is what happens? It's a riot I tell you.

A RIOT!

There's a little boy crying on the ground, groups of people around him. He probably broke something.

Good lesson actually.

NOTE to self: try and resist from breaking a bone as it leads to pain and could lead to arthritis in later years.

Very important. I would like to enjoy life when I'm old, not get shots for pain every day. I'll look like a druggie!

Well, a bigger druggie than I already am.

ANYWAYS! Getting off topic.

I – heroically – stepped forward a couple of steps. The runaway broom almost knocked me off my feet.

THANK YOU very much, but I do NOT need your help with falling to the ground. Gravity pretty much has it covered. Thanks.

People are screaming at each other. No one is getting anywhere.

Hey, I might as well do _something._ All this chaos is giving me a headache, and I have to catch up on homework later.

I carefully walked a little further into the pitch. This time, when the stupid thing came by me, trying to side with gravity, I jumped.

What happened next I can only explain as: The Final Straw.

This is proof that I need to call Dr. Alex.

Too bad I cant. Muggle artefacts don't work on Hogwarts premises.

…

I could however send him an owl, and then he would see me immediately.

NOTE to self: Owl Dr. Alex so he can check your mentality health. You could be a danger to yourself and others.

Especially yourself.

I swung my body up onto the seat… handle… thing. I think Teddy said that it was called the tree…

What was I thinking, you may ask.

Well I'll tell you. I don't think very often – and this was one of those times – but for the sake of writing something, I'll just say that I wanted revenge.

Redhead temper.

Quite dangerous actually. I remember this one time me and the twins tried to set a waste paper basket on fire to see if it was the same colour as my hair… good times. Anyway, mother started screaming as us, and I threw it at her.

Lets just say, four months of being grounded is much funner when you know the secret tunnels out of your house.

The stupid broom reacted as though it knew I was there and started to… buck and go crazy.

It reminded me of a class that I had at Beauxbatons one time.

Of course at the time I thought that this was a massive waste of time, and started a huge debate about women's rights, and how they should go out into the work force and not be the stepfordwife…

After all, we can all benefit from people who can multi-task!

Now I'm going to kill myself for using this knowledge.

You see, the class was about how to properly look after a husband. The lesson subject for that torturous day, was how to service his broomstick.

I laughed so hard I couldn't breath when my strict teacher, with hair that was glued to her head said that. Of course, no one else laughed. They all hung onto her every word like she was… important!

The point is, I know what the problem was.

I climbed to the tail end of the broomstick, it trying it's very hardest to dismantle me. And it was doing very well at it.

I vaguely remember several times where I almost fell from very VERY high heights.

Sorry. I realise that I keep dragging this on. Oh well, you will just have to listen… read… see… something.

Cough.

Yes.

Anyways, eventually I was able to pull the stupid broom's stupid loose twig free.

It gave a final buck and I came free.

All I can say is, FLYING IS AWSOME!

Free falling is the bestest thing! It's so much fun and excitement!

Of course, it's the landing that takes the fun away. And I can tell you, it HURTS!

After I hit the ground, - I landed on my back - I let out a feral animal groan and caught my breath. Being winded is NOT fun. It's horrible.

You can't get sweet oxygen into your system, and with out oxygen you DIE!

I DON'T WANT TO DIE. I'M TOO YOUNG. TAKE PETUNIA!

I stood up and was pulled straight into someone's arms. What nice arms they are too. Very well muscled.

"Don't you EVER do that to me."

He sounds so… scared; relieved; happy; passionate… sincere.

"Hey James" I croak.

He looked at me.

His jaw dropped.

I blushed.

He complimented me.

"You look beautiful."

I scoffed at him.

"Social climbing clothes. Tell anyone that I'm wearing this and I will personally make sure that you will not be able to have babies. Then I will cut out your tongue so you can't get any action. Then I will kill you."

He looks at me with raised eyebrows. I don't think he knew that I could be so violent.

HA HA!

"Um Lily," he looks into my eyes, then over my shoulder.

I turned around and wished that I could disappear into the ground.

A GAZILLION people witnessed me in my social climbing junk.

I'm so embarrassed.

"Nice look, Liller's" Teddy and Charlie called out simultaneously.

"Why You little-"

they ran.

Smart move.

I ran after them. Hey, no one ever said that I had class.

I discovered that I can actually run pretty fast. I caught up to them, but I think it's cause they slowed down… that could only mean one thing.

Teachers.

I looked up. Sure enough the staff table is full just ahead of me.

I'm in the great hall during dinner.

Oh

My

Sweet

Merlin.

I AM GOING TO KILL THEM.

"Revenge" they said.

I'll revenge you – then I realised what they were talking about and grinned.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

Innocently.

Cute and cuddly. Cute and cuddly. Cute and cuddly.

"Yeah Liller's" Daniel said from behind me, "What did I do?"

"Oh puh-lease. You're as bad as them."

"So you admit that you did it."

I grinned at all three of them.

"never!. You asked for it!"

their mouths opened simultaneously.

"Oh puh-lease"

ARE THEY MOCKING ME?

How dare me! The only one that can mock me is… well… me! But that's why I love me!

"You look like you enjoyed it." He indicated my garb.

This time my mouth opened in shock.

HOW

DARE

HE?

He has officiailly reached an all time low.

Revenge.

NOTE to self: send a letter to mother, telling her that the twins need wedding junk.

HA HA HA!

I'll show you whose boss.

I opened my mouth to reply, but James stood up and announced to his current team that a meeting would be held tomorrow afternoon at 4:30.

He sat down, and pulled me down next to him.

"How are you?" was the first thing that came out of his beautifully rounded lips.

I shrugged. "ok."

I am NOT going to tell him that my entire back is one MASSIVE ache, and that I want to crawl under a rock and die. People have seen me with _makeup_ and _social climbing clothes._ I'm so embarrassed.

Dinner finally ended, and people came up to me and complimented me.

Ah! The joys of being able to fake smile. I suggest to all those who cannot do it to learn as it becomes very VERY important skill.

Yes, so now I am writing this, to tell you how embarrassed I am.

Oh wait, Charlie and Teddy just sat down next to me. They obviously want something. Yep, they deffinatly want something. They just gave me chocolate.

Yay! Too bad. I'm going to enjoy this.

"How was the trip?"

Maybe they didn't want something. They both seem genuinely concerned.

"Horrible."

There was only one word for it… well that word and all the other words that mean the same thing. Is there ever one word for something?

I don't think so.

Anyway, I found myself telling them what happened. They told me to relax a little and that I didn't have to do anything that I didn't want to do.

They hugged me and left.

Oh well. Maybe they are really nice, kind and loving…

I must do some work now

Ciao.

* * *

**Common Room – 3:00 in the morning**

Oh

My

Sweet

Merlin!

SIRIUS IS ONE SERIOUSLY SCARY PERSON!

I woke with a start to someone poking me. He has dark features and waking to someone like that standing over you is SCARY! He clasped a hand over my mouth before I could scream and wake up the whole house.

He appolagised to me.

HEE HEE HEE!

THE Sirius Black just apologised to me! To ME!

I moaned a little and he sat down next to me.

"What are you doing up so late?"

He seems a little concerned. I have made GREAT friends here. Better than I could have hoped actually…

I indicated the half complete star chart on the table.

"Would you like some help?"

I tackled him in a MASSIVE hug that hurt my back.

"Thank you; Thank you; Thank you; Thank you."

He gave me a Black grin… one that is HEAPS warmer than his brother's.

Sirius is sort of the handsome good-guy prince charming, while his brother is… creepy.

I shudder at the thought of him… well I also shudder at the thought of select others as well…

Mother

Petunia

Malfoy

Snape.

He started talking… I stared at him. it makes it easier when people who are healping you speak a language that you speak.

Sirius does not.

"I'm sorry but my miniscule mind is incapable of comprehending such highly advanced intellectual words" (A/n: credit for this goes to a fantastic reviewer called Tas!)

I don't know why I even took astronomy in the first place.

ISHK!

He helped me finish the chart in 15 minutes.

Translated that means: He finished my chart in 15 minutes. Sirius... a man cough of many talents!

Then I let out a MASSIVE un-ladylike yawn. Sirius did not bother to hide his amusement… no one ever does.

WHY am I so funny? I do NOT understand.

Anyways, he sat back on the couch, feet out-stretched hands on head; right at home.

I mimicked his position… though I don't think that it works that well for me as I am a little runt.

"You had us really worried this afternoon," he stated.

I looked at him. "Really?"

"Especially James." Sirius chuckled. For what reason I do not know, but the mind of a boy/man/baboon/thing is hard to determine. "His eyes fell out of his head when he saw you."

I laughed nervously. Do you remember when I said that I do not do well under confrontation? Well this is one of those times. Why must he put me on the spot? Does he have no one else to draw amusement from?

He's so mean.

"James is a great guy."

Is he…

GAY?

I mean, I have nothing against gay guys as I have quite a few gay friends but… I will have to observe more closely.

We sat together in silence for a little while more. During that time I almost fell asleep.

"Okay, off to bed with you… You've had a big day."

So I'm hopping off to bed, confused about the conversation I just had with Sirius.

Too tired to care right now.

Ciao.

* * *

**A/n:** thank you reviewers! this one seems a bit shorter than the others... what do you think?

MERRY CHRISTMAS

* * *

Please leave a review! I really appreciate the support! 


	6. Wierder and Wierder!

A/n: **IMPORTANT NOTE PLEASE READ!**

Due to my up coming vacation – and first ever plane ride – I won't be able to update for three weeks. I'm so sorry!

Yes, so I think that this will be the last of it for three weeks… unless I get the chance to update during the hols!

MERRY CHRISTMAS

HAPPY NEW YEAR! New year, new choices that you can make, new decisions and in some cases, a new lifestyle.

NOT ALL CHANGE IS BAD!

Now onto this chapter's quote. Because New Year signifies the beging of a new year, and yes, possibly lots of changes, I have a quote on changing:

'Are you fit company for the person you wish to become?'

- Unknown.

I also liked this one, so I might as well put it in D

'What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matter's compared to what lies within us'

- Unknown.

So here it is! The next chapter! Enjoy!

* * *

**Monday Breakfast**

Oh

My

Sweet

Merlin!

I AM GOING TO KILL ONE CHARLES WILLIAM AND HENRY EDWARD!

I'll explain.

I was in a bad enough mood – have I ever said that I hate mornings? Especially Monday. It means that not only do you have to wake up and get up, but you also _know_ that you have to face the rest of the week before you can sleep in. There is only one means of getting through the morning.

COFFEE!

So I stumbled into the great hall in the uniform, which I would like to point out, is rather quite cute. It's nicer than the silk garb that we had to wear at Beauxbatons… I shudder at the thought. You want cold, try wearing that in _winter._ I, of course – being the wonderful amazing person I am – lost count of the amount of detentions I got for wearing something _warm._

Honestly.

It's like they want to kill themselves. On second thought, they probably do. They would also LOVE to kill their mother's at times… and their sisters

…

Or it could just be me.

Anyway, I walked into the hall and boys everywhere started to catcall and wolf-whistle.

DO THEY HAVE NO RESPECT?

Probably not.

Sara and Rose were no help whatsoever. They laughed and mocked the boys. I glared at them.

I stormed over to Charlie, Teddy and Dan. "This is all your fault" I accused them.

They scoffed, well the twins did.

"If you hadn't played that prank-" Charlie started.

"Which was so funny I almost died" Amy said. "I of course hated seeing my boyfriend hitting on a guy," she added as Charlie glared at her.

"Then we wouldn't have gotten revenge. It was you who ran in here" Henry finished. Bloody twins.

I plopped into a seat next to Remus. At lease he is courteous and nice. A real gentleman that one. You don't find many of those around these days. He shoved something into my hands and I had a sip.

CAFINE!

Oh how I missed you! How did I survive without you?

In my excitement I – much to my embarrassment – jumped up and kissed Remus on the cheek.

"I love you!" I proclaimed.

He chuckled. "Lily, I thought that we weren't going to tell them about the affair yet…"

I gave him the world's sheepiest sheepy look. "I'm so sorry. Oh well, they deserve to know."

We looked at our friend's faces and cracked up.

There's thatHILARIOUS word again.

Crack

Crack

CRACK!

Drink more coffee.

"I was talking to the coffee you losers" I exclaimed to the recovering group. "Although…"

I put my hand visibly on Remus' knee. He turned bright red and we all laughed at him. he pouted.

Wow! The people here are really mature. They all act like young grown ups with common sense…

HAHAHAHAAAA!

I'm so funny!

I love sarcasm. It gets the point across.

Anyway, just have to record today's embarrassment as writing makes me feel better… maybe it was the coffee. It was DEFFINATLY the coffee! Mmmm caffeine.

Anyway, bell just rang.

Ciao.

* * *

**Straight After Classes **

Right now I am going to go off and relieve some stress. All day people – boys – have been coming up to me asking me if I want to go out with them. The answer is always the same.

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? THAT I AM SOME… CBFOM WHO GETS AROUND A LOT?

The answer is most definitely not yes.

It's the same. Every case.

NO.

I don't want to go out with a random. I want someone who I have a connection with. Someone who I know and can trust. Funny, smart and intelligent. What I want does not exist. Someone perfect…

Well maybe not perfect.

Perfection is a flaw.

The point is, now I am stressed out and upset. I'm going to go and fly it off.

Ciao.

* * *

**Dorm Room**

Things just keep getting weirder and weirder.

I no longer have a standard for normal anymore. What is normal?

ooh!

ooh!

ohh!

I know.

Me!

Everyone else is insane.

INSANE

You see, after I had worked up a good sweat – and a searing pain in my back from yesterday's fall – my name was called from the ground. I looked down and saw the six players of the Gryffindor quidditch team.

Smiling I landed with a little wince coz of my back.

"Lily-" Sirius stated formally.

"That's my name."

He glared at me.

"You're ruining it. Lily" he stated again.

"Is the name given to me at birth."

He glared at me again, and along with the rest of the team, I sniggered.

"Actually the name you were given at birth was Lilieanne," good ole' Teddy stated.

"Li-" Sirius started. "Wait, your real name is Lilieanne?"

My turn to glare.

YAY!

"You had to tell them, didn't you?"

Ooh! Sibling rivalry! Nothing quite as exciting. You get to find out all the goss about what's going on in that family when sister and brothers fight. However, it's not as interesting when it's _your_ information that's being spilled.

It's the same as: it's funny until it happens to you!

You see, that's why when people stack it, it is NOT funny. Just because they have problems with gravity!

ISHK!

Not all of us have grace; skill and an agreement form.

"Lilieanne" Sirius said again.

"Don't call me that." I hit him.

He deserved it.

"Stop interrupting me" he whined. "Or I wont tell you."

"Fine. I don't want to know." I hopped back on my broom.

HEE HEE HEE! Reverse phycology. Works like a charm!

"Wait! No, okay, I'll tell you."

See?

Brilliant!

"Yes?"

I'm waiting. I have homework to finish. Oh crap. This is NOT fair. Why couldn't I be brought up in a _smart_ world? I would be so much more up to date with everything.

Bloody mother.

"We want – no scratch that – we _need_ you on the team."

I fell off the broom that I was hovering on, in shock. I landed on my back.

WHAT IS THIS? DO I HAVE A LEAD BACK?

Or is it written in my DNA to land on my back, like it's written in cats DNA to land on their feet…

I would prefer that option. Landing in your feet has to be a WHOLE lot less painful.

Anyway, now all I can feel is PAIN!

OW! OW! OW! OW!

NOTE to self: DON'T FALL OFF BROOM'S.

"Why?"

"Because you're the best" Potter spoke up.

I laughed.

And laughed.

And laughed.

"I would like to remind you, that I have never NEVER played a game of quidditch before. In my life."

"Please Liller's?"

NOOO! Not the puppy eyes. I officially HATE Charlie, Henry and Frank.

I glared at them. "You know I hate you right?"

Right?

Right?

RIGHT?

They jumped on me.

"Thank you; Thank you; Thank you."

"Yeah, whatever," I moaned partly because I had just agreed to something that I didn't really want to do, and partly because they were HURTING ME!

"So you'll play chaser for us?"

"When do I start?"

I was bombarded by smelly baboons.

They dragged me into the messy Gryffindor quidditch change rooms.

EW! It was so gross. I swear that there were dirty underwear lying on the floor but they were whisked away before I could get a good look. The smell is over-powering.

Excuse me while I gag

…

Thank you.

I had to do something about the place. If they wanted me to play then they were going to have to deal with it being clean.

I waved my wand.

Instantly the place was clean and airy.

I LOVE magic.

They sat me down and Andrew – fifth year chaser – opened his mouth to address me.

"Wait on," I interrupted. Andrew let his lungful of air out. "Whose the captain?"

Potter stood up. "Officially, me. Unofficially… well we work together so well as a team that a solitary leader is not really needed. We all pull our weight. We all try our hardest and we all play to our strengths and let other's fill our weaknesses."

"Thank you Captain James. I am now feeling motivated and raring to go," I said.

"Really?"

He looks amazed.

"NO! You fool. I was being sarcastic."

He rounded his beautiful lips in a small circle. "Oh."

I rolled my eyes at him.

Andrew cleared his throat. All eyes were drawn back to him.

"Sorry. Yes. Continue."

He grinned at me. "Thanks Lillers."

I AM GOING TO KILL THE TWINS!

I poked my tongue out at him.

"Anyways. We decided that you are the only girl who is currently playing quidditch at Hogwarts-"

He was once again cut off by me. "I WHAT?"

"Are the only-"

"I heard you the first time. Is it because males are so domineering. I bet that there are A LOT of girls in Hogwarts who would be able to play. They deserve a chance…"

I continued on my woman's rights speech. WOMEN DESERVE TO HAVE ALL THE BENEFITS OF MEN! If the world was equal then war's would be a little less common. Now I don't mean the equal that the communists speak of, but I mean REAL equality.

Someone threw a ball at me. Of course I didn't realise until I turned around and caught it. I threw it back at Frank.

Hard.

"OW OW OW OW OW OW."

Stop being such a baby.

ISHK!

Macho one moment, babies the next. Almost as unpredictable as PMS…

ALMOST.

I would hate to see them with PMS. All the sound in the world would be them complaining…

Babies!

Anway. Eventually they shut me up and Andrew – who they call Cameroll (his last name is Cameroll) – continued.

"ANYWAY! We are going to keep your identity a secret if that's okay. It's just that," he said quickly before I started on about women and them being allowed a chance, "we want it to be a surprise. So we thought that Potter could stand up and announce that the person who had gotten the spot knew and was keeping silent, as was the team. Any questions?"

"Yes." I said.

Okay, this is a question that I have to ask. I HAVE to ask.

And it's a very good question too. Very important to the team, and my position and skills.

"Why do guys call each other by their last name?"

Andrew – who I have now decided to call Andy – blinked at me.

"What kind of question is _that?_"

I replied with dignity.

Yes, I DO have dignity… stop looking at me like that!

Grr!

I opened my mouth.

"They just do."

I shrugged. Good enough I guess.

You don't mess with male logic.

"Can I go now? I have work to do."

The team shrugged.

So here I am, in my dorm… doing homework… supposedly but convincing myself that writing in here is good enough!

Off to do some work!

Ciao!

* * *

**Hospital Wing**

You may wonder why I am now in the common room when I was once in my dorm.

And wonder you will!

MWAHAHAHAHAAA!

Not really. Might as well tell you, as this is my first official visit to the hospital wing. I am so proud. I made it a week! I think that it might be a new record for me.

Sirius sent a fourth year up to my dorm to tell me that we wanted to talk to me. I shrugged and abandoned the transfiguration essay I was doing.

The truth: I was gladly out the door before she could finish. Any excuse to leave the damn thing. It's STUPID!

"Liller's" he called as soon as I had descended the stairs into the crowded common room.

I walked over to him.

"You know how much I love you right?"

I looked at him warily.

"Ooookay… what do you want?"

"Please will you help me with charms, please please please please please!"

"If you mean by 'will you help me' aka ' can I copy you?' the answer is no."

much to my amazement, Sirius whimpered.

The stupid baboon WHIMPERED!

Who whimpers? He's a strange one. Wait, Camie – my _gay_ friend – whimpers…

Is he GAY?

Quite possibly.

"I will, however, help youwrite your own."

Sirius jumped up, and clapped me on the back.

And it HURT.

A LOT.

It must have shown on my face as the stupid bozo raced over to me and helped me to the chair. Are you okay? He asks me.

NO I AM NOT OKAY.

I am so proud of myself. I stood up. "I'm fine." I started to walk over to the table and tripped on the rung and fell over.

And it HURT

A LOT

Sirius helped me onto a couch.

"James" he bellowed across the room. James was there in an instant.

How does he do that? He just shows up.

ISHK!

Men!

"What's up Paddy?"

"Hold Lily down."

Oaky.

Wait.

WHAT?

HOLD LILY DOWN? WHAT IF LILY DOESN'T WANT TO BE HELD DOWN? DOESN'T SHE GET A CHOICE?

Huh?

_Huh?_

HUH?

Apparently not as the next second I was unable to move a muscle.

I was under...

"A binding charm."

"Uh, thanks Prongs."

Sirius seems to be embarrassed.

Wait! Sirius is embarrassed because of a _guy?_ Hmmm

Maybe my _theory_ was worth checking out!

They lifted the back of my shirt up.

I AM GOING TO KILL THEM!

So far my list of people to kill stands at:

Mother

Petunia Evans

Charles Evans

Henry Evans

Sirius Black

James Potter

Everyone at Beauxbatons

Severus Snape

Lucious Malfoy

Regulous Black

Oh yea, I am definitely going to jail for a LONG time.

Two gasps and two seconds later and I was able to move again. I glared at the two idiots. "Lillers, your back is bruised."

Thank you Captain 'obvious' Potter.

"It's just a bruise."

"You have to go to the hospital wing."

I do NOT have to do anything thank you very much. They didn't like this thought much.

"Your ankle is swollen. You have to go."

DANM ANKLE GIVING ME AWAY!

"Is there a reason why you don't want to go?"

"Yeah" I said sadly. "It's my mother. She hits me and I don't want them to find out."

James look thoroughly shocked and angry. His face was HILARIOUS!

I laughed at him.

"You little runt!"

ha ha! He's funny when he yells. He looks as wild as his hair.

Wait...

WHAT?

HE JUST CALLED ME A RUNT!

Reality hurts

"I want the truth!"

"We all want what we can't get," I said in a singsong voice. He growled.

I swear to god that the entire male population are animals.

ALL OF THEM!

"I'm trying to get a record for the longest that I've been without a trip to the doctor" I said.

You know what? They're not worth keeping around.

THEY LAUGHED AT ME. Repeat after me. I am NOT funny. No, no, no, no, no, NO!

ISHK!

Why can't anyone get that?

They're all INSANE!

Freaks.

I hmph'd and stood to storm away, but my ankle was way WAY to painful to walk on, so I quickly sat back down.

The baboons then dragged me to the hospital wing with Sez and Rosey trying to calm my redhead temper.

So now I am being forced to drink potions. I think the last one Madame Pomfrey just fed me was a sleeping one coz now I am…

snore

A/N: thanks for reading!

* * *

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!

* * *

Please review if you have time between all that chrissy preparations and enjoying!

Thank You!


	7. A Sudden Change

**A/n:** HEY GUYS! I had tried to update when I was in New York for New Years – ha ha, gets me every time; New Tork, New Years – Cough yes, well, I had originally tried it but apparently it didn't work…

All the better to update you with! HA HA!A

Little Red Riding Hood adds for a computer game were just on tv.

Yes, please excuse me, I got home about 6 hours ago, so I'm jet lagged and tired. It's a 17 hour flight from Las Angeles to Australia – one stop over – never minding that I was in Florida to start with which adds another 5 hours…

The point is…:

Yes, there is a point,

That this was pre-written so chapter eight will be under the influence of jetlag and exhaustion!

Thank you and have a nice night!

KIDDING!

This chapter is missing something…

**QUOTES!**

Don't you groan at me, people!

Okay, this one I know from first hand experience is especially true:

'Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.'

- Leo Buscaglia

'But some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.'

- Anonymous

I LOVE these quotes, so people, without further hesitation I bring to you:

**CHAPTER 7**

**

* * *

Charms Class – Tuesday Afternoon**

I will get revenge on James, Sirius, Remus, Rosie and Sez as they have told the entire school where I was at breakfast.

They're not complaining because I was given a truckload – wait two and six eights of a truckload – of candy and all of the previously mentioned ex-friends have been pigging out on it.

Yes, revenge will happen.

I WANT SOME PRIVACY PEOPLE!

Anyway, onto more important matters

Today is my first tutoring lesson with James.

Oh

Sweet

Merlin!

Ha ha, no my that time! Gotcha!

I can officially make a huge fool out of myself.

YAY!

Sirius just got in trouble for not completing his charms essay.

HAHAHAAA!

SERVES YOU RIGHT, MATEY!

Ooh! He's glaring at me. Hold on while I glare back

…

Back! Ha ha! That showed him!

Anyway, I am nervous as hell. Remember when I said that I didn't want to spend prolonged periods of time ALONE with JAMES POTTER?

Well this counts as a PROLONGED PERIOD OF TIME WITH JAMES POTTER. I'll bring reinforcements. Yes, Remus likes the quiet of the library, and Rosie likes Remus so there I have two allies.

Wait…

WHAT?

ROSIE LIKES REMUS?

Hmmm… my subconscious wouldn't write it if it weren't true…

I'll have to use my detective skills and look into it.

Theories:

1) Sirius is GAY!

2) Rosie likes Remus

3) Twins want to inflict as much pain on me as humanly – and divinely (stupid karma) – possible.

Well, I don't really need to investigate the third one.

I know its true

You know its true

We all know its true.

Hold on, one Sirius Black Wishes to write in here:

**S.B.:** I AM NOT GAY! 

L.E.: of course not. Your just in DENILE!

**S.B.:** I'm not in The Nile. Isn't that a river in Egypt? I'm sitting in charms class with you Pumpkin cakes.

L.E.: it's not a river, Sugar-face, it's an entire ocean.

**S.B.:** is it really? Wow! You're so smart, darling!

L.E.: I know Snugglebutt! Compared to you I am… INVINCIBLE!

**S.B.:** I know you want to snuggle my butt! Plus, no one is smarter than me.

L.E.: oh really? Wanna make a bet?

**S.B:** okay!

L.E.: The person who answers the most questions correctly in class for the rest of the day is the smartest.

**S.B.:** but we only have the rest of Charms and History of Magic left.

L.E.: are you afraid, Black?

**S.B.:** NEVER! The loser should be made to do something!

L.E.: the loser has to dress as a nerd for the rest of the week!

**S.B.:** WHAT! THAT'S NOT FAIR!

L.E.: you are afraid! SIRIUS BLACK IS SCARED OF BEING BEATED BY A GIRL!

**S.B.:** I AM NOT! Okay it's settled. Winner has to dress like a nerd for the rest of the week. How do we keep count?

L.E.: Sez can do it.

**S.B.:** that's not fair! She'll favour you over me!

L.E.: okay… James can count as well. That way when they get the same score we'll know it's right.

**S.B.:** AWESOME! Hold on, I'll give this to Prongsie to read!

L.E.: What's with the nick names?

**Sirius Black has given this book to Prongsie!**

_J.P.:_ okay! I'll do it.

Lily Evans has given this book to Sezza

S.C.: I'll do it.

LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

Sirius and me looked at each other with fierce competitiveness in our eyes… well it was DEFINITELY in his!

"What are the three ways to make an object sparkle?"

I am happy to announce that I am going to KICK Sirius' butt! HA HA!

We both raced to put our hands in the air, trying to push the others out of the way. In the process Sirius knocked over Peter's inkwell.

"Yes Sirius?"

NOOOOOOOOO! Bloody triumphant grin he's giving me.

Grrr!

Bloody Flitwick.

He's so small! He's so cute!

I think that Hagrid stole some of his tall geans, and Flitwick stole some of Hagrid's small geans.

Yes, that's what happened.

That's just logical.

"Clean it. Polish it and…."

HA HA! He doesn't know. Excuse me, I am now going to stick my stick arm in the air!

"Yes Lily?"

HA HA! Triumphant grin gone!

Evil glare check!

Too bad Sirie-poo!

"Clean it-"

"I said that!" haha! Sirius is incredulous!

"You also said polishing, and I would like to point out, love, that polishing is a form of CLEANING!"

"But Lilie-poo!"

"No buts pumpkin. I'm surprised that you even know the meaning of clean. Anyone who's seen your room knows what I'm talking about."

Go me!

"That hurt baby-face, that hurt real deep. You sure know how to push a man's buttons. Plus, you know you liked what we did in my 'messy' room."

I stared at him gob smacked as the class broke out in whispers.

"SIRIUS BLACK! You know full well that the only reason why I was in your room was because my BEST FRIEND and my BROTHERS was there. You seven were no doubt cooking up more trouble!"

"Ahem!"

Attention was then turned back to Professor Flitwick. "The other two, Miss Evans!"

"Another is changing its colour, and the other is placing a glitter charm on it."

"Right you are. 10 points to Gryffindor…" he continued talking about something or other.

It was my turn to give a triumphant grin to Sirius.

He scowled at me.

Okay, I'll report back when the bell goes.

Ciao.

* * *

BACK!

Oh yea!

Me: 7

Sirius: 5

Take that!

Okay, off to History of Magic to seal his fate.

Ciao!

* * *

**Great Hall – Dinner Time**

I WON!

I WON!

I WON!

YAY!

YAY!

YAY!

Ha! Take that Sirie-baby!

Oh yea! I am the smartest!

Hold on, James just made a smart-ass mark about beating Sirius is no accomplishment. Excuse me while me and Sirius beat him.

HEE HEE HEE! TAKE THAT POTTER! I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE MY TUTOR! I GOT YOU!

Wait…

Crap!

Tutoring tonight.

Straight after dinner. Oh well, 40 minutes to worry about it…

Rather, 40 minutes until I remember again

BIG grin!

Ooh! I just got a letter. Must read.

_Lillieanne,_

_Earlier today mother went into hospital and was diagnosed with having a heart attack. This is your entire fault! If you hadn't of stormed out of the house then she wouldn't be in hospital! I hope your happy, freak. You probably did it with your evil magic tricks. Well I will tell you now; if anything happens to her then it WILL be your fault._

_Inform the twin freaks. Let them know that it's your fault._

_Hoping to never see you again,_

_Petunia._

Way to kill the mood Petunia.

Better tell the twins. Infact, rather than telling them I will just show them the letter. I probably have a stormy face.

Did I mention that Petunia is good at KILLING THE MOOD?

Hold on I need to slump into a seat. Lucky there's a free one next to Dan.

Maybe this is my entire fault.

I mean, I probably sent her into shock, and put tons of stress on her.

It's not my fault if I want some privacy and don't want to display my body to the world.

"Don't listen to her Liller's" Dan said, hugging me.

Why?

It's true, isn't it?

Isn't it?

Isn't it?

ISN'T IT?

Yes.

_No._

Teddy! Go away, these are my thoughts you're interfering with! We all know what's going to happen if you don't leave.

_Then let my eyebrows be burnt off! It's not your fault._

How would you know? You didn't see the fight that we got into.

_I think that it would have been all those drastic unneeded weightloss things that she consumed._

I'm not so sure.

Okay.

Thanks.

_No problem._

_p.s. I had better still have my eyebrows_!

I managed a little chuckle. But he had me thinking, what if it _had_ been something that she had consumed? Could someone be trying to kill my mother?

That would definitely not be good. It would be horrible actually.

Hey, she may be a SSCM but she is _my_ SSCM!

She's my mother.

My mom

My mummy…

Okay that just doesn't feel right.

Anyway, must go and get some stuff for tutoring with James. While I'm at it, I'm going to get my reinforcements.

Ciao.

* * *

**Dorm Room – Later That Night**

Oh

My

Sweet

Merlin!

JAMES POTTER IS AMAZING!

Okay, remember the note where you said to stop thinking about James Potter? Well this is one of those times where that note is called for.

You see, you sound like one of his groupies.

Why am I writing in third person…? Oh well, I'll put it down to one of life's mysteries.

Anyway, why is James Potter so amazing?

I, Lillieanne Marie Evans, can officially change a parrot into a bear!

I feel so elated! My reinforcements were not needed, as awkward silence did not occur between us, which I am shocked to report.

I did, however hug him and I will tell you that he has NICE muscles hidden underneath his shirt! Maybe there is a reason to play quidditch!

Oh

My

Sweet

Merlin!

Quidditch.

With that now on my schedule I have no spare time.

Monday: quidditch

Tuesday: tutoring with James

Wednesday: Tutor Gabrielle

Thursday: Tutoring with James again

Friday: Quidditch

Saturday: Quidditch

Sunday: Quidditch.

Oh joy.

Along with being arrogant, James is funny and kind. He does, however, torture Severus Snape endlessly. If he wants respect, then torture is not the way to get it.

NOTE to self: try to stop Potter from killing Snape. Who's muscles will you look at if he leaves for Azkaban? Sirius'? HEE HEE HEE! Get's gets around way too much.

A gay boy who's into women aye?

Maybe he's just in touch with his feminie side!

Potter and I didn't have another… moment. Anyway, we ran a bit over time, as Potter got the full brunt of how bad I really am at transfiguration.

During my lesson I also noticed Rosie and Remus were getting quite comfortable. They kept having hushed conversations. I'm still undecided between weather they were about me and James or if it was out of respect to the library.

Could be both.

Me and James aren't interesting though, so maybe it was the later. Yea, it most likely was.

However, Sirius' and I sex lives has become the conversation of the school. You see, our little conversation/argument in charms spread through the halls of Hogwarts faster than Bush Fires spread through Australia in summer, which I would like to point out, is coming soon for them.

Maybe I should go to Australia on our Christmas break. Try and tan.

BAHAHAHAHAAA!

Me tanning is like saying Petunia is a beautiful person, both on the inside and out. And she is neither!

Girls keep coming up to me and asking if I am really sleeping with Sirius Black. I swear everyone here is DILUSIONAL!

Can't they tell that I have STANDARDS?

Ha ha! Pay out on black and he's no even here to witness it…

Oh well.

Well sleep is needed for this poor little redhead who is now fully able to turn a parrot into a bear and not create a bearrot.

I'm going to need energy for tomorrow's fending off rabid girls.

Ciao.

* * *

**A/n:** okay, so it's over. Poor Little Warrior Lily!

Please give me a review! Good, bad, neutral – hey one word can help shape a writer.

Before I leave, one tiny last thing!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Yea, I know, only 14 days late, but I've had limited internet for those 14 days.

NY was CROWDED!

Thank you for all of your lovely reviews. It really means a lot!

Ciao!


	8. Being the new student

A/n:

**OKAY VERY VERY VERY IMPORTANT, PLEASE READ!**

I would like to start of this chapter by formerly introducing someone to you guys. She is brilliant, smart, and has done a wonderful job of beta-reading my story.

Her name is **Laura**, her pen-name is **iluvsining333** if you want to contact her. She is very very good. Laura is my new beta reader for this story and recently got a 75 on an extremely hard test.

WELL DONE LAURA! AND THANK YOU SOOO MUCH!

* * *

Now, quotes for this chapter D these are some stupid things that celebs have said.

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you."  
- _Rita Mae Brown._

"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."  
- _George Gobol_.

"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either."  
- _Dick Cavett_.

Just some interesting funny little things to think about!

Now, on with the story!

YAY!

* * *

**Common Room – Before Breakfast**

YAY

YAY

YAY

YAY!

Why am I so happy? Because its my first tutoring session with Gabrielle today!

YAY

YAY

YA-WAIT!

Just to clear some things up: Gabrielle is _my_ student; I am NOT getting tutored by her

Yes, just because I need a little, tiny, itsy-bitsy bit of help with the worst subject in the entire world and the bane of my existence (one of them), does NOT mean that I need help from a third year.

Now that that's cleared up, I bet that she is a lovely, cute little girl.

So what if she needs help?

It happens to the best of us.

At least now, I can change a parrot into a bear!

Thank you, James Potter.

Well, breakfast time has come – breakfast here is DELICIOUS!

So delicious that it is my new favourite meal of the day. It beats the low-fat, no-fat cereal and milk they served at French magic jail school.

Beauxbatons tried to starve their students into submission…

Not that the girls needed to go into submission as they were all perfectly willing to do whatever any _professor_ told them to do…

Mindless bimbo's.

The point of this entry was to enforce my excitement about finally meeting and helping Gabrielle.

I'M

SO

EXCITED!

So excited I fell down those god-awful stairs this morning. I mean seriously, who in their right mind wants TWISTY stairs?

ISHK!

When I die, I'm going to find the inventor of twisty stairs and kill them all over again.

Now that that point is perfectly clear, I'm leaving!

Ciao!

* * *

**Great Hall – Lunch Time**

Oh

My

Sweet

Merlin!

I swear that Sirius is Italian

Yes, you heard me,

ITALIAN!

He is _still_ talking about getting revenge on me for losing our bet

Hey, its not my fault that he isn't as smart as me – he shouldn't have taken me on in charms class.

Ha ha!

He's holding this massive grudge, even though it's _Wednesday_ and he got to stop wearing his nerdy outfit last week.

He's talking about revenge on me.

Rolls eyes.

Okay, seriously!

It is NOT a smart idea to take me on in a prank war! Ask Charlie and Teddy.

I had lots of good times kicking their asses!

Every time someone mentions the word glasses, the entire group cracks up laughing. Let me tell you, we have been trying to insert that word wherever we can.

We even call the goblets that we use at meal times glasses now, just to annoy him and amuse ourselves.

The always sexy James Potter who wears glasses – AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! – is mentioned as every other thing we say.

WAIT

OH

MY

SWEET

MERLIN!

I just called Potter sexy. Ohnohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohno

_OH NO_!

This is NOT good.

HE did it. That stupid nerd thinks he's so kick butt smart by writing in my diary. Well I'll tell you, Mr. I'm-The-Greatest-Sex-God-Nerd-Of-All-Time-Who-Might-Be-Gay, I wont stand for this.

ISHK!

Besides, I'm in too much of a good mood to care to much about his… petty… threats.

I told him so.

"Why are you in such a good mood?"

That was Rose.

Hey, the name might be delicate and pretty, but she can really give it to a person if they deserve it.

Sara, on the other hand, is just so full of attitude. She is one weeeeeeeeeeeell respected person, let me tell you that. You do NOT mess with the Sez.

"I get to tutor a gorgeous little third year."

I'm so excited.

YAY

YAY

YAY!

"Ooookay…. Who?"

"Gabrielle O'Pare"

WHY ARE THEY LAUGHING AT ME?

Yes, Little Lily is sooooo amusing. Everybody laugh at Lily.

At least they aren't laughing at my pain.

That's a first.

"Why are you laughing? I bet she's wonderful."

"She thinks so," Remus commented dryly.

I brushed that comment aside. I will NOT let Mr. Kill-joy over there dampen my spirits.

On a er… happier note: well its not really happier, its just… I dunno.

Confusing.

But then, isn't everything?

After I tutor Gabrielle, I'm going to visit Mother in the hospital.

Oh

Joy.

What do I expect?

Anger.

YAY!

NOT

Hey, I was being independent when I stormed out of that house.

NO, I was not being stubborn…

I prefer I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T

Say it with me now,

I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T

Well done.

Now, onto more important matters

Potions is up next

Oh

My

Sweet

Merlin!

Kill me now.

That slug and his encore of menacing minions can go and mingle with mean mountain-trolls and mess with the mighty marauders – which is a daily occurrence – and muddle with menacing… mounts.

I love horse riding, I have a beautiful black stallion. My sisters mount is a palomino –

ISHK

How typical of her.

At least her horse has enough common sense not to like her.

Smart horse, smarter than Vernon Dursley.

But that's not hard

Well I'm off to be eye-candy for some slimy Slytherins and their slimey slug.

Ciao

* * *

**Common Room – 12:00 am**

Oh

My

Sweet

Merlin!

This is going to be a long entry as I have so much to say. I've been to tutoring, I've been to see my mother and I'm too tired to complete my star chart.

Lets start off the nights events by saying:

BEING THE NEW GIRL REALLY SUCKS.

You see, I found out why my friends were laughing at me at lunch, and all I can say is:

Being positive just does NOT work for me.

Like this one time, I was actually – yes, I am embarrassed to admit this – excited to be going to a social event with the family.

The reason: Jake Sommerfield

The sexy young heir of the Sommerfield Real Estate fortune. He was sexy, suave and totally into me.

You see, it would have been perfect, except that I was positive and gravity disagreed with me and I stacked it, and flashed my undies at the same time. I found him later snogging some stupid blonde, so I hooked up with some other guy.

It's a harsh world.

Anyways, so I turned up to the library for her tutoring exactly at 5, our planned time of arrival.

No sight of her, so I picked a table near the entrance, one completely in sight of the door and pulled out _my_ charms essay to do while I waited.

She couldn't be far off, right?

Right.

10 minutes later…

She couldn't be far off right?

Right.

20 minutes later…

She couldn't be _that_ far away, right?

Right.

15 minutes later…

She's testing my patience…. Ohhh, I am going to give it to her

Gr.

How late does she want to be?

If she doesn't walk through that door in the next five minute I'm going to – he-he, redhead temper.

Oh look, there she is.

That brat was 45 minutes late, and I successfully completed two _extra_ rolls of parchment for my charms essay. You see what happens when I'm not stopped?

Anyways, she finally turns up at quarter to six, completely not caring that she was late.

"Your late."

Hey, Potter's Captain Obvious disease is spreading.

NOTE to self, the next time you're at the hospital wing, ask for a Captain Obvious Vaccination. It's really getting to your head, and then people will roll their eyes at you, and you know that you're the best at this.

He… he… self confidence is good these days.

"So?"

EXCUSE ME?

SO?

And I wondered why she was failing charms.

I blinked.

She's skinny, blonde and has the beginnings of having a stunning body, but the sneer/smirk thing on her face made her ugly.

Why not introduce myself.

"My name is Lily."

"I know who you are. The only reason I'm here is because I wanted to meet you. Is it true that you transferred from Beauxbatons?"

I stared at her incredulously. Some Gryffindor she is.

Oh wait, she's proud.

Pride is good… then you get pride that goes to the extent of being self-centered.

That's her.

"Excuse me?"

"I mean, like, if it's totally not true, I'm outie."

She pulled out a compact and a lip-gloss.

Outie?

Outie?

OUTIE?

Who does this girl think she is?

"Eer, yeah, I came from there."

"Like, why? I mean, Beauxbaton's is like, totally the best school ever."

What a CBFOM!

Oh

My

Sweet

Merlin!

She needs a personality transplant to come back to earth.

Calling Captain Space-Man. We have a problem.

"Yes, you would do really well there."

She totally would. I mean, like, she can, like, put on, like, make-up with, like, the rest of them, like, totally.

ISHK!

How annoying.

"Do you really think so?"

ISHK!

Desperate?

Ooh, I have a plan

Cunning little devious me

I am awesome!

I love me.

But who doesn't?

"Sure" I said _casually._ She opened her mouth to say something else, but I cut in. "But, you have to be really good at charms."

Her little blue eyes widened. "Do You?"

"Oh, yes. They take it very seriously. That's why, you know, I'm a little ahead."

As opposed to you, who is a little _air_head

Yes, mean, I know, but hey; you can see why.

"So, you need to, you know if you want to apply and get in, study and attend your tutoring lessons."

She's totally convinced.

"oh-ok. But they'll know I had to have a tutor."

"As long as you study hard, no one needs to know."

I looked at my watch.

6:22

No point in starting now. I told her so.

"Okay" she said. "Same time, same place next Wednesday?"

I agreed, and reminded her to study on her own and bring her books.

ISHK!

I am going to get revenge on my friends. I cannot believe that they didn't tell me.

I stormed back to the common room, thinking about the fact that my _friends_ didn't have the decency to at least warn me. I mean, how could they not! She's such a…

CBFOM

I should introduce her to my mother. They would love each other.

I slammed the portrait open.

I have gotten good at that! Making an entrance was always my thing!

Everyone in the common room looked up. Those idiot ex-friends of mine were sitting in the corner, starting to look scared.

"I would hate to be her victim right now," Daniel said to Henry and Charles, his voice clearly heard in the silence that I created.

Okay, so really, a few people turned around and stared at me, but hey. I was LIVID!

Stupid ex-friends.

Anyway, I can still make a scene.

HMPH!

Told you, I was able to make a scene.

"At least she doesn't look as murderous as the time we buried parts of her new saddle," Charlie said jokingly to Henry.

EXCUSE ME, DO YOU NOT THINK THAT I AM MAD AT YOU?

Huh?

Huh?

HUH?

ISK!

I turned on them, more livid than before.

"You what?"

"Oh no," the twins and Daniel said, looking at each other, generally scared. "Not The Hiss."

They always said that when I talked lowly and somewhat calmly, that it was worse than screaming.

They're probably right.

But hey, the two of them just admitted that _they_ were the ones responsible for dirtying my glorious new dressage saddle, that I actually had to save up for.

They turned and ran.

Cowards.

Oh well, back to those idiot ex-friends.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

I am proud – not the self-centered kind of pride – to announce that the caged animal within me unleashed itself. And all I can say is, those two deserve it.

Remus and Rose – who, now looking back on it, were sitting suspiciously close to one another… romance in the air? Hmmmm… – were tackled off their seats onto the ground by a tiger. A tiger lily.

MWAHAHAHAAA!

I crack myself up.

Crack…

Crack…

CRACK!

Ha ha, amusing word that one.

Said victims of said tiger -lily soon regretted not saying something, as said tiger -lily employed the help of one James Potter to help torture said victims.

If you couldn't understand that then…

HA HA!

I'll explain it in… ITALIAN!

Just kidding!

Basically, once Remus and Rosie were on the floor, I started to tickle them, but, Remus – being the big huge baboon-man-thing that he is, was fending me off.

GR!

So, I employed the help of one Mr. J.S. – short for sexy – Potter.

Mmmmmm!

"Help me!" I asked him.

He raised an eyebrow.

"Okay!"

YAY! I got my minion-man!

One, Mr. J.S.M.M.Potter!

James Sexy Minion Man Potter.

MWAHAHHAAAA!

I amuse me.

He went for Rose, while I turned all my attention to Baboon-man.

Next thing I know, I'm on the ground being attacked by:

Not one,

Not two

But THREE! Baboons.

Remus, Rosie and Potter are all going to DIE!

After they kill me that is.

WHY ARE THEY LAUGHING AT ME?

This isn't fair. They're laughing at my pain again. Lets all laugh at Lily because she's little.

Well har-de-har-har.

HMPH!

I do admit I laughed REALLY hard.

Stupid ex-friends.

I eventually got free from their devilish ways and started to race up the staircase. I was just about to turn the corner when Sirius The Nerd called out,

"That's the boys staircase."

Does he think that I not know that?

I spun around which is the stupidest thing I could have done. You'd think that by now, some other poor fellow would come along so that gravity could pick on him for once and a while, wouldn't you? You'd think that gravity and I might make ends meet, and finally leave each other alone… well it would leave me alone.

Well, you'd think wrong. You see, for the second time in, lets see, ONE DAY, I fell down the stupid curvy stairs.

GR!

ISHK!

Hmph!

IT'S NOT FAIR!

"I know that."

So I said it somewhat snootily. I can bring out the snootiness when I really want too. After all, I did spend, hmm, lets see, about FIVE YEARS OF MY LIFE in the kingdom of snots.

Anyway, they're sniggering at my pain.

Meanies!

Sirius-the-nerdy-snugglebut no longer.

HMPH!

I walked back up the stairs to my brothers room.

20 seconds later…

"NO"

"YES"

"NO"

"YES"

Sez and Potter looked up at each other in the eye.

"Uh Oh"

So I wasn't there to witness it. I mean come on, big deal. Sara and Rose told me later ha ha, that's how I found out. I might as well put it in.

I stormed back down those stupid stairs.

"NO."

"YES."

Two of them against one of me isn't really fair. But I can hold my own. Me and those idgits - short for stupid - were… _disagreeing_ on my attire for tonight's outing. You see, they wanted me to wear social climbing garb, so the "NO" was most definitely me.

"NO"

"YES"

Wow, they can yell really loud when riled up. Besides, why do they even care?

Hmmm… I have an idea.

"If I have to, you have to."

Their faces both paled at the thought.

HA HA! Go me! Losers. They'll never do it.

"Okay," Charlie agreed.

What?

What?

WHAT?

"WHAT?"

Teddy and I screamed at the same time. Great minds think alike.

Then the twins had one of those stupid eye conversations where they don't speak. That really REALLY annoys me. I mean, come on –

"OK."

Ok

Ok

OKAY?

Teddy just agreed with Charlie.

OKAY?

This is not good. This is not good.

Oh

My

Sweet

Merlin!

Kill me now

"You're going to wear it."

If all else fails shoot the messenger. Say bye-bye Tedward

"Don't even think about it."

DAMN IT DAMN IT ALL! THIS ISNT FAIR!

Evil glare instead.

And then they enlisted Sez and Rose's help to get me dressed. What am I? A three year old?

ISHK!

The end product: the _beautiful_ me.

The decent me.

The Social Climbing me.

INSERT MASSIVE BONE SMASHING SHUDDER HERE!

Now don't get me wrong, I am NOT a tomboy – not that I have anything against them, my best friend is a tomboy. Sorry Daniel my mate! A girl in disguise! – I like magazines and shopping – with the right people – as much as the next girl. Its just certain things I've grown up to hate. Like SSCM's and anything remotely related.

After much wolf-whistling – which I _know_ Henry and Charles set up most likely with the help of Daniel – the three of us left for Dumbledore's office, then for the hospital.

The hospital was…

White.

White walls, white curtains, white sheets, white chairs, white coats, white shoes, white teeth, white bandages, white desks… okay I think you get the point

As soon as I walked in the door, mother was onto me.

"Oh Lilieanne, I don't want you to worry about the fight. You look absolutely dashing. So beautiful. Have you thought more about the offer? You look so beautiful. My darling, all grown up."

Old bat only wants me to take the modeling offer up.

"No, mother, I do not intend to sell my body."

Tell it as it is.

"Lily - "

Lily?

Lily?

LILY?

GR.

I don't know if she's ever called me Lily before in my life. It sounds as weird as calling her mommy, or Sirius smart, or Remus mean, or Potter unsexy, or Rosie boring, or Sez dispassionate.

"Lils, I think you should listen to her."

EXCUSE ME, DAD? I thought that you would be on my side. I have no minions left!

ISHK!

"What?"

What is this, gang up on Lily day?

HMPH!

Well, little Lily does NOT require the whole world to go against her, as she has friends who LAUGH AT HER PAIN!

ISHK!

Well, I shall not give in without a fight. I do NOT want to do some stupid modeling thing-o and that is that.

Okay?

Okay?

OKAY?

So the rest of the night I had to sit through my mother sucking up to me, and giving me the cold shoulder at the same time – yes, it takes A LOT of talent.

So we made it back with Charles and Edward trying to stop me from murdering something.

So I wrote this as some therapy – which I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that Dan the Man gave this to me so I could do just that… I think the redhead temper led him to it…

Speaking of which, I haven't been spending much time with Daniel… I must make sure I do that.

NOTE spend more time with your best friend as people will forget that he's your best friend – hey, I'm too tired to make up something good.

Okay, well I'm tired now, so I think that I'll just do my star chart in the morning

Ciao!

* * *

A/n: thank you for reading this!

please drop in a review! i really appreciate it D

THANK YOU!


	9. The Grand Surprise

A/n: okay, so i'm sooo sorry that i havent updated in ages, i've been really sick and had to catch up with all the work and then i had to do the current work... man senior really sucks!

anyways, so update now and thats good right? right.

* * *

**IMPORTANT**: THIS CHAPTER WILL BE VOID OF QUOTES BUT INSTEAD I WILL UPDATE TWO BRAIN TEASERS! HAVE FUN!

1)A man was out walking his dog. He rode, yet walked. What is the name of the dog?

2) With pointed fangs it sits in wait;

With piercingforce it doles out fate;

Over bloodless victims proclaiming it's might;

Eternally joining in a single bite;

What am i?

ANSWER'S AT THE END OF THE CHAPTER >

* * *

now onto the good part!

* * *

**Edge of lake – After Classes**

I

Officially

Love

Sirius

Black.

Good-bye Jake Sommerfield, you never did anything like this for me before. Even though you never went to the same school as me… that would be scary seeing as I went to an entirely female populated school.

I'm sure you're interested as to how this revelation came about. You see, it all started once upon a time when…

Nah!

I'm just winding you up.

No, I woke up from last night's small amount of sleep – you'd be surprised as to how long filling in a diary actually takes – stressed out and tired. I stumbled, rather gracefully actually, into the great hall for breakfast.

First thing Sirius said to me when I sat down and let out a huge feral, un-lady-like yawn was,

"Let me guess, you haven't completed your star chart."

"I did the essay."

Well that was true enough.

He stared at me, incredulous.

What? Am I really that ugly?

"You can write an essay without doing the star chart?"

"NO!" I said… indignantly, "It's just that the star charts are hard."

Well, they are,

insert tongue poking out here

Anyway, I'm too tired too care. So what if I get a detention. It's just a detention.

I said so.

"So what? SO WHAT?"

Whoa! Unexpected reaction. Especially from Potter.

"So what if you get a detention? Our first game is coming up, and if you're not at every single practice, I'll-"

"Ah, save it Potter. It's too early for a pep talk."

Okay, just to get one thing clear here. I am NOT mad at Potter. I do NOT hate Potter. I call him Potter because all the stupid boys on the quidditch team call all the other stupid boys on the quidditch team by their last names. Except Sirius. I think it's because he hates his family so much and hates to be reminded of them…

Something like that, anyway.

So the team consists of:

Potter

Cameroll

Longbottom

Sirius

The Evans's

And me.

Wow, what a team…

AHAHAHHAAAA!

"Come on Sirius, you have to help her, please please please please please please, we need her. Come on Sirius-"

"Prongs, the boy said okay the first time you asked."

Good 'ole Remmie. Catching Potter's Captain Obvious disease. Oh boy!

Potter shaped his mouth into a circle. "Oh"

The resemblance between him and a goldfish with glasses is remarkable.

Anyway, Sirius offered to help me with my chart, and I agreed, and then I was taking too long, so he stole it and did it all himself, and I had a lovely conversation with Sara and a way, way too hyper Rose about who was hotter, Jack Cornwell or Dimitry Chavankov. In my opinion, both of the elite quidditch players are as hot as each other, but Rose maintains that Irish, Jack Cornwell is hotter than Russian, Dimitry Chavankov.

Yes, how random but I thought that you needed to know.

Anyways, the point of this rather short and boring submission is to tell you why I am late for quidditch and not in fact in detention like I had anticipated.

WAIT A MOMENT!

Late for quidditch practice? I'm going to die.

Ohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohno!

Oh well, at least I should sleep soundly tonight…

If I make it that far.

Well I'm off to face my death!

YAY!

How brave am I!

Off I am now.

Ciao!

* * *

**Common Room – After Dinner**

Oh

My

Sweet

Merlin!

I am in shock.

Like the shock where a meteorite shower hit the earth and left the world in tact, and the dinosaurs are still alive…

There's no killing Professor Binns. He just doesn't die.

You see, something massive, and huge happened and it has the whole school talking.

But first, I must explain why I haven't written in here for so long…

Ok, so I didn't die after that my previous… lateness for quidditch,

But!

I was tortured.

I mean, not the torture where you're in the most boring class with your most hated teacher who, coincidentally, looks like the living dead and are stuck with people you hate…

But the torture where you're kidnapped by an evil person and tortured with all kinds of shiny instruments and inventions for information.

That torture.

If my mother knew that I was playing quidditch, she would have a heart attack.

Anyways, that was four days ago.

Not much has happened in that time, other than the trip to the hospital wing because I broke a calf bone…

I think Madame Pomfrey has a permanent bed for me now!

YAY!

Madame Pomfrey… I wonder if she's French. The next time I'm in there, I'll start talking to her in French!

Anyways, so now you must be asking, just _what_ is the great importance of me writing this. Why now?

Well I have major news. Like MAJOR-major.

It's the first of October, and today at dinner, Dumbledore made an announcement.

I

Am

Sooooooo

Excited!

You see on Halloween, we're inheriting some visitors. Not ordinary visitors but visitors non-the-less. I'll tell you what happened.

Everyone had finished eating half an hour ago, – everyone excluding Captain 'Obvious' Potter and Baboon Sirius - but the food hadn't been cleared from the table and the scraps disposed of yet, so as the great – polite - students we are, we stayed put, talking confusedly amongst ourselves.

Eventually Professor Dumbledore stood up, and Potter and Sirius stoped eating to give him their entire attention. See, they have respect.

"Ladies, Gentlemen, and of course James and Sirius"

Sniggers sounded through the hall, and the two baboons stood up and took a bow.

Ishk!

Idiots!

"In precisely one month, on Halloween, we will be formerly welcoming and opening what I am sure will be one of the most wonderful learning experiences of your Hogwarts career. Hogwarts is proud to host the Inter-School Quidditch league."

Cheering sounded through the hall.

Dumbledore smartly waited for it to die down, instead of stopping it.

Wise man.

"As to who's competing, I will leave that for you to discover when the time comes."

Damn that little twinkle in his eyes. Stupid mysteries. Now I am going to die trying to figure it out. That's just great.

Anyways, he went on to say that Hogwarts quidditch teams will play and represent the school. We're to have a welcoming feast on Halloween for them., The prefects and Head Boy and Girl are to organise it.

Oh well, that means that I don't have to. More time for study, friends and of course, the hospital wing.

Yay!

Anyways, so now the entire Gryffindor house is in the common room trading rumors about who's competing and who's not. The whole school is one big gossip fest.

Honestly!

Don't these people have better things to do?

And just when I was thinking that they were sane.

Pfffft!

See what being positive does to someone?

So I have survived almost an entire month at Hogwarts, and all I can say is that I wish I had come here earlier. Everyone – almost – is so nice, and kind and wonderful. I will definitely miss it here. At least I can stay here on Christmas break!

YAY!

Unlikely.

The chance of me being allowed to stay here is about 1000000000000/1. There are Christmas parties and social events to attend.

CRAP!

NOTE to self: Do NOT under any circumstances think about Christmas. That is a hurdtle that you'll over come when it happens. That's what you have lovely friends for…

Anyways, so after AAAAAGGGGEEESSS of people talking, the younger students went to bed, leaving us to talk. Yay!

The marauders and the twins were nowhere to be found, – most likely planning another prank – and I was giving Sara and Rose some 'Them Time'. I glanced at Sam and Valentine in the corner, and walked over to them.

Over the past month, they have been really great friends, preferring to stay with themselves, rather than share the over-active lifestyle of the Marauders.

So I sat and talked with them for a while, before excusing my poor lonely existence and making my way up to the seventh year boys dorms.

I knocked and could ultimately hear this great shuffle of people and papers rustling.

"It's only me" I called out.

"Well you could have said so" Charlie said opening the door for me. "Whatcha want?"

He let me in.

Lovely brothers.

I saw Dan on his bead reading a book. I jumped on him.

"ERRRGH! Liller's!"

I sat on his stomach and he started to squirm. He screamed at me. Hee hee hee! It was funny.

"Bony butt! Bony butt! Bony butt!"

Ha ha! Being a stick insect – yes I really am that small – has it's advantages. Because the end result was his friends laughing at him, and him standing up, red in the face.

I think he might be a tad bit mad. But it's only pretending.

"You're coming with me. I feel like a binge."

"But Lillers, it's Wednesday night."

"Oh my God, Dan" – at this stage we were at the door, I saluted the other boys and left, laughing at the fact that Dan was coming despite his whingeing – "You're such a whinger. Besides, you're almost out of the common room anyways."

"Dammitt Lily, I hate it when you do that."

Goofy grin.

"Do what?"

Innocence. Always the way to go. It can never lead you wrong.

"Don't play innocent with me!"

DAMMITT

He's just delusional.

Wild Grin.

He should see Doc. Alex, like that crazy, deranged bat mother of mine.

Yes, you know the one.

All night, – well until we went back to bed - we played, talked and traded theories about who would compete in the Inter-School Quidditch League.

It was nice spending time just with Dan. Since I arrived, I've been caught up in so much… crap, like the stress of going to a new school, new subjects, catching up in said subjects and yes, quidditch. Dan and I hadn't really been able to spend much time together…

Wow, that was deep. Not often do I have those kinda moments.

Anyways, I'll just blame it on lack of sleep. I haven't been able to sleep very well since I've come back from the hospital. I am, however, able to say that mother is now home, She's figuring out ways to ruin my life, and preparinge Petunia's wedding. Sometimes even at the same time.

Women really can multi-task.

Well, it's late and I'm stuffed full from our little… binge.

Bed time!

YAY!

I think I might have insomnia…

Wait, I know I have insomnia!

Ha ha!

Good night!

* * *

**Beside the Lake – Evening**. 

I have some horrible, shocking, bad, upsetting, disastrous news.

A storm hit and flooded Hogwarts.

Millions of dollars in art work and valuable items have been lost, not to mention the damage done to a priceless castle…

How…

MUCH AM I LYING!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!

Hogwarts wasn't flooded. I would be traumatised if it was. I LOVE this place. It's AWESOME!

Anyway, so a bad storm did hit, and after putting an anti-rain spell on this book, I am now sitting out in the cold. I'm also very wet.

FUN!

I love the rain.

And also the fact that it's Friday night.

I'm sleeping in tomorrow.

I'M EXCITED!

Stuff quidditch. If I do not get a sleep in, I am going to either:

a) Kill something

b) Kill myself

c) Die.

I prefer option A, as I am too young to die. I've only just discovered life… kind of...!

Yes, so the prefects have been in charge of organising the event. They've been split up into house's, which I suspect is so that they don't have to face any… minor, un-needed arguments that may occur – stupid Slytherins.

On a worse front, Malfoy is still being a little slimy freak.

He and that stupid professor of our's – and house teacher to Malfoy – are killing me.

HEE HEE HEE!

It sounds like everything is killing me, but I love it so much. How obscure.

Apparently, he has started watching me in class and at meal times. Stupid Malfoy. I, however, pretend that I do NOT, under any circumstances, notice. I am refusing to notice his actions. He can go off and play with some other dirty Slytherin.

Oooh! Someone's coming. How do I know?

By using my wonderful detective skills of course. Sherlock Holmes in Female.

The person sat down next to me.

"Whatcha doing out here?"

He has the soft velvety voice of one James Potter.

"Relaxing. You?"

"Sirius is with a girl, Rosie and Remus are… studying, – insert snigger here – and Sez is playing chess with Sam, and Valentine is studying as well."

Okay… that was a detailed report of where all my friends are. Rosie and Remus are together, are they? Well that's interesting.

That girl is drowning in the ocean of denial.

I laid down on the grass, Potter doing the same thing.

Bloody Hell!

I just thought of something.

I'm wearing black shorts and a white Singlet… that is now not white… well it is white, but now it's translucent instead of opaque.

MERLIN'S BEARD!

"That doesn't explain why you're out here" I said.

"Your right. Everyone else was busy, and I wanted to see you, to talk to you, ya know."

This is weird. I'm actually kinda worried.

"Talk to me?"

Scratch that. I'm just confused.

But, he does look F-I-N-E while dripping wet.

Hold on, I have to take a moment to stop and admire…

Yum!

"Yes."

He leaned on his elbow, head resting on his hand. Yes, very sexy.

He seemed to hesitate before opening his mouth to say something. He closed it again.

"You know you can say whatever you want to me, right?"

"All captains were called into a meeting with Professor Dumbledore this afternoon."

What?

What is he saying?

"James, what are you telling me?"

"Only two teams are competing in the Quidditch League."

What?

What the-?

That's strange. They must be having two teams from the other places that are coming too.

The lake looks so beautiful with the rain.

"Let's go swimming."

"Lily, you-"

"Tell me later, let's go swimming."

I stood and pulled off the pathetic piece of material revealing an already obvious pink bra.

"Come on."

I jumped into the lake.

And it was beautiful. Freezing, but truly beautiful.

It was the peace that I had been looking for. Everything had been so hectic since I'd arrived, that I was kind of starting to miss the quietness that Beauxbatons provided.

Key word: ALMOST!

Not quite, but almost.

Potter swam over to me, shirtless. Damn black water. I jumped on his shoulders and dunked him.

He kindly returned the favour. We played like this for ages. It was sooooo much fun!

He dunked me, and I tried to swim up to the top to get some air.

But I couldn't.

Some stupid water creature had grabbed onto my ankle.

It is universally known that when you look desperately look for something you cannot for the life of you find it, and then at a later date, when you're looking for something else, you find it.

This happened to me.

There have been times when I have wished for my wand, and then there was that time. I actually needed my wand instead of wanting it.

But, just like fate, I couldn't find it.

I seriously thought that I was going to die.

But strong finger's grabbed my wrist, and a stream of hot bubbles was sent towards that stupid cretin who so stupidly grabbed me and wanted to face the wrath of my friend.

Bye-bye creature. Nice knowing you.

Sarcasm

I was weak and couldn't swim. Thank god for James. He dragged me to land.

I have never appreciated the muddy goo more in my entire life.

Air! I heaved in glorious amounts of oxygen.

"Lily! Oh God Lils. Are you okay?"

James. He was kneeling down next to me.

"Thanks to you."

A grin spread across his face.

"I was so scared for you. I saw you go down when I was above. You never came up to me again."

"My guardian angel."

We laughed, and he let me catch my breath a little.

"We should head back now. We have quidditch tomorrow, don't forget."

Thank you Captain Potter, how could I ever forget?.

"What were you saying about only two teams being chosen?"

"Oh. Lily, do you think that you can do it? I don't want to enter you if you're not-"

"Not what?"

A little defensive I know… but, well what was he implying? He was confusing.

"The team really wants this and-"

"You don't think that I can do it, do you?"

"No, Lily, I was-"

"You were just checking to make sure that I know that if I fail, the rest of the team goes down too. You were just checking to make sure that if we don't get in, then it's my fault and that I burned.

"Well you know what, Potter? You should have more faith in your operatives. How else are they to have faith in you?"

Okay, so I don't know what exactly was going through my head at this point in time, and he had just saved my life, but… it was a feeling that I couldn't explain. For some reason I was upset beyond belief. He was implying that I couldn't do it, and it hurt.

Pain.

How I want to jump back in the lake, and remember that silence, the peace.

I ran. All the way to my dorm and into my bed.

To sleep.

* * *

**Dorm Room – The Next Morning**

Wow.

That was a depressing entry.

Entirely true, but depressing.

This morning I woke to rough shaking.

"Come on, Lily. You have to get up. We have quidditch. You have-"

PUNCH

Bullseye.

Howling…. And then peace.

Ahhhhh!

Silence is golden.

"That was harsh, Lily," Rosie said, a grin on her face.

"Funny though," Sez added and went back to laughing.

Rosie joined her.

I groaned.

"It's six o'clock in the morning, and I'm cold. Leave me alone."

"Definitely not a morning person." They laughed even more.

"Thanks guys."

"Come on Liller's, get your ass up."

Another groan on my behalf.

You'd think that they would get the message, but noooooooooooo, obviously not because the next second, I was picked up and placed under the shower, which I am reporting was FREEZING, like unnaturally cold. Stupid charms.

Forced into quidditch robes and literally pushed out of the window on a broom, I reluctantly flew to the quidditch stadium.

Staying out in the rain last night proved a stupid thing to do, as I reached the stadium and released a huge sneeze, successfully crashing into Cammeroll and bringing us both down.

NOTE: the grass on the quidditch pitch is really really soft. I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again. It's SOFT! An important thing to note. Oh yeah, and try not to run into the team.

Teddy is bellowing at me, in my face.

"Stop screaming," I said.

He stared at me.

"What?"

"You're speaking French" he said also in French.

"I don't care. Stop yelling."

Don't these people know how to be QUIET?

"I'm not yelling, Lily. I'm whispering."

"Oh."

Whispering? That's not whispering. Whispering is when your barely audible.

Hmph!

I sneezed again, and coughed a bit.

I might be a little bit ill.

"Off to the hospital wing with you."

greeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat. What a day. I get woken up, early, fly into a team member, get a slight cold and have to go to the hospital wing.

Could my day get any worse?

* * *

**Hospital Wing – a short time later**. 

"Pneumonia."

"Pneumonia?" the team said in an outcry.

"That's right."

"Madame Pomfrey, have you ever heard of central heating? It's cold in here."

Of course, it came out in French. The English part of my brain is not functioning at the moment.

"Oh dear."

She gave me some response and told me to go to sleep.

I'm taking a sleeping potion now. I feel so detached from everything. You may note this.

Ciao.

* * *

A/n: i hope that you enjoyed this. please review! even if it is one word.

okay, answer's!

Question 1: Answer: Yet

Question 2: Answer: a stapler

CIAO!


	10. Exploring New Ideas

**A/n:** Hi, you may have forgotten me, if you have check out my profile!

Anyways, I wanted to say that I'm really really sorry for not having updated in ages! I've had exams, a broken computer, travelling etc. it all builds up on yeh, I tell you!

Anyways, I don't want to further delay your wait… HERE IT IS! CHAPTER THREE!

* * *

**Hospital Wing – The day after**

Oh

My

Sweet

Merlin!

You can say ticked off again. I am spending my Sunday lying in a hospital bed, freezing my ass off, and yes, much to my utter disgust retching my guts out.

Whoop-de-freaking-do.

Stupid magic. Shouldn't there be some sort of cure for this thing? A potion? Apparently not.

After only like six hundred thousand hours of stupid lectures about how not to stay out in the rain rolls eyes and get sick – all of which I didn't listen to, just made attentive faces – Madame stopped to take a breath and I asked her if she was French.

She stared at me…

And stared…

And stared…

What is it with these people? Its like being asked random questions is… _bad_.

Ok, so I was sore because she was YELLING at me when I was in such a delicate state. Talk about a doctor.

HMPH!

After a year of staring – to this day I swear that she is still staring at me – she gave me an answer.

Its funny how she still stares at me to this day because consequently it written on THE SAME DAY…

Yes, as you can tell, being ill is warping my brain.

Not that it's working at the moment, my brain that is, not the warping. Speaking English is way too complicated for me at the moment. People wouldn't believe it if I told them that French was easier to master than English. They all looked at me like I was insane…

The same look that the hospital woman gives me…

And the teachers…

And my parents…

And my friends…

I reckon that my horse gives me a look that clearly says, 'go off to your home at St. Mungo's now. Good bye!'

Well thank you very much horsey, remind me to give you an extra carrot.

No one takes me seriously.

Anyways, after telling me that she was indeed French, I started talking to the matron. Of course it was in French because that is the easiest language.

Physco?

You Betcha!

The good thing about this whole affair is that words gotten out that I am actually sick and haven't had another run in with gravity and injured myself – I've heard reports that it took quite a bit of convincing…

HMPH!

What does that say about me as a person…

'Lily Evans is only the single most uncoordinated person with more Karma than an Azkaban inmate.'

That's probably it…

Meanies!

Anyways, as I was saying, people have brought me a ton of chocolate… so now I'm going to get fat! And high!

It's like receiving smelly bath salts and soaps for your birthday. Its like, "UM excuse me, but DO I SMELL OR SOMETHING?" I mean seriously.

ISHK!

Apparently I have to have Monday in this place as well… whoo hoo,..

Note the sarcasm?

Yes?

Good.

Oooh! Visitors! Yay!

Someone other than a barmey woman who has spent entirely too much time in a hospital wing!

Oh, it's only Potter…

Oh well, better than no one aye?

I guess it kinda relates to that saying, 'better late than never' except it would be, 'better potter than no one'.

Ok brain, turn on now!

"Hey Lily, I just wanted to see how you're doing?"

Awww! What a charming boy.

Pity I'm still mad at him.

I roll over and pretend to go to sleep. It's the entirely mature and intelligent thing to do… better than trying to talk and solve the problem.

"Listen, Lily I- didn't mean what I said last night. I was, I was being stupid and every time I think back over what I said I want to hit myself and, and, and I'm really sorry."

He said it in the most angelic little baby boy voice I have ever heard. I think he's buttered me up.

I roll over.

BIG MISTAKE.

He's using the puppy-dog eyes. THAT'S NOT FAIR! What's a girl suppose to do when an entirely handsome, sexy guy who you're supposed to be angry at makes dog eyes.

DAMN HIM!

"It's okay"

Stupid traitor mouth…

Or is it traitor brain?

Was it the mouth that was in the wrong, or the brain?

Was it a zebra with black stripes and a white body or a zebra with white stripes and a black body?

If a tree falls over in a forest and there's no one there to hear it, does it make a sound?

I ask him.

He stares at me…

And stares…

And stares…

In fact he stares at me until this very day…

And then he laughs.

Now who's the psychopath?

Who?

Who?

Who?

OH YEAH! ITS NOT ME!

No need to ring Doc. Alex.

He's laughing so hard that the Madame comes over and claims that I need rest and in doing so shoo's Potter out the door and feeds me a sleeping draught…

GOOD NIGHT!

Hospital Wing – Monday Afternoon

So the vomiting has died off, or so the Madame believes. You see, I've been not telling her so that she'll let me go to dinner tonight. The good thing is that I think that I wont have to lie to her anymore, as I haven't projected chunks into the air in quite some time!

Be proud.

I still have a slight cold, and am wearing warmer clothes than is the norm.

But anyways, its 10 minutes until dinner and I have entered fierce battle with Madame Pomfrey.

All I'll have to do is pull the Lily charm and viola! I'll be free to go to dinner!

2 minutes later…

okay so it didn't work as well as I had hoped…

I wasn't 'free' to go to dinner, I had to come back afterwards and get another potion and come back to her anytime I felt ill, but other than that I could go…

YAY!

Off to dinner that started seven and a half minutes ago

EEP!

Am late!

A Lily is never late, she arrives precisely when she means to…

* * *

**Wednesday afternoon – exploring Hogwarts Castle**

Exploring.

Exploring is implies adventure, excitement, discovering new lands...

I am doing just one of the above three.

I am discovering new lands… if you call being lost in a MASSIVE never-ending castle discovering new lands.

Wait

Scratch that. I am not lost.

I am simply… observing the greater art outside my normal route in which daily life so dearly decides to take me.

Yes, that's right.

Hey look, there's a beautiful door down there. It's ripe with… beautifulness. Well it was a very nice looking door. It's only natural to wonder what lies beneath…

EEP! I walked in on a room full of students. Looks to be some kinds of meeting. How embarrassing. They're all looking at me. I tried playing a smile on my face.

"I was simply… observing the greater art outside my normal route in which daily life so dearly decides to take me and in doing so was lead here…"

"You got lost, didn't you Lils?"

I turned and glared at mister know it all Remus. Think you know everything huh buddy? Well I'll show you.

"No I did not."

He raised one eyebrow at me.

So you want to have an eyebrow raising competition with me, is that it? Well I have a friend who can do the Mexican hat dance with his eyebrows…

"I simply mistook the stair case, ended up in a beautiful corridor with fantastic art and decided to have a look around. And as an active member in the art industry I find great interest in studying art."

So there!

"So you know how to find your own way back?" Rosie spoke up with amusement evident in her voice.

"Even if I didn't, then I wouldn't want to go back with you and your boyfriend because knowing you two, you'd sneak into the nearest broom closet.

I was successfully awarded with the blushing of my two friends, and the sniggers of the rest of the people in the room who agreed with me that the two should just hurry up and start going out.

"Besides, I'm new, you're supposed to me nice to me."

Insert pout here.

"Anyways, what meeting is this?"

"The meeting that you have intruded on is the prefects meeting. This is our Head Girl, Anna Direz and our Head Boy, Dave Caulder."

I turned to the speaker. After all it's only polite to look at the person who is talking to you. My jaw dropped gob smacked wide open for the entire world to see my tonsils.

OH

MY

SWEET

MERLIN!

"Oh, close your gob you big idget." Said my BROTHER.

"Charlie? You're a prefect? Is Dumbledore smoking pot?"

I mean seriously, who in their right mind would make my brother, Lord of the Harmless Pranks, a prefect?

"That's not Charlie" a giggling blonde in Hufflepuff colours spoke up.

EXCUSE ME?

Do I look delusional?

After spending my ENTIRE life with identical twins I'm pretty sure that I can tell them apart.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Heh, he deserves to be yelled at.

"For that matter why didn't you tell Mother? You would have gotten out of one of her, 'you need to be better at school, you should be Head Boy or a prefect' speeches."

Yes, what a pointless way to be spending time, telling your children that they should be more academically responsible in a school full of… teachers and other people to do it for you.

ISH!

"Thanks, Lils, for blowing my cover." He turned to look at everyone. "You see, Teddy is indisposed of at the moment, and so in return for not telling mother about his position and hence forth in doing so sparing me from being alone in her stupid lectures, I fill in sometimes. You know what they say, two minds are greater than one."

HA!

Take that stupid blonde idiot. I am right!

I am also in shock. Seriously, my brother's are…

GENIUS'S!

If I had a twin that's what I would do.

Anyways, the Head Boy and Head Girl seem to be really laid back coz they don't care as long as the work is done right?

Shouldn't we go back to the fundamental problem here?

I am lost.

I have no idea what people talk about at prefects meetings

And I have no idea how to get back to the mainstream castle.

I open my mouth.

"Well Lily, you can just stay here till meeting ends, when I'm sure your brother or someone will show you back. After all, Remus and Rosie will be… busy."

HE WINKED AT ME!

HE WINKED AT ME!

HE WINKED AT ME!

Resident Head Boy and HOTTIE winked at ME!

Give me a moment to let my heart flutter…

Inset heart flutter here

He has emotional brow eyes, dark brown hair, toned muscles, though not as toned as SOME people, AKA Potter who dedicates his WHOLE life to quidditch.

Imagine living for one thing…

What a lonely existence you would have

I took a seat beside Rosie.

"Now that we've settled ourselves," Anna said with a glare in MY direction –

Excuse me, just because I am new to your maze of a school and got lost does NOT mean that you have the right to glare at me missy!

"We can continue. Next on the agenda" –

I love how they have an agenda. Makes them sounds like a high tech mission impossible team!

"We can talk about the Qudditch League."

OOOOH!

I am so glad that I stumbled upon this room. Insider information right from the source.

"When the schools arrive we will be holding a special feast in celebration."

"We've decided," Dave said, indicating Anna and himself, "That the Hufflepuffs will be working on creating a menu that will satisfy everyone's tastes. There will be low background music, so Ravenclaw's you will be in charge of finding suitable music. Remember this is not a dance. Now, when it comes to the day, we will need the hall cleaned first, so Slytherin's that's your job and for Merlin's sake, this is NOT a detention so just use your wands."

Mmmmm!

He has a yummy voice.

What?

Don't look at me like that.

A girl can dream…

Just not now. Pay attention.

Right.

"And Gryffindor's you will be in charge of decorations. All decisions must be run passed by Anna and myself first. Anything else Anna?"

"Have ideas by the next meeting in two weeks. Thank you very much. You may go."

EEP!

I'm so excited!

But first I must deal with that stupid brother.

I hit him.

"How dare you not tell me? What am I? A Petunia? A Will? And Charlie, not turning up and taking responsibility."

I hit him again.

"You must admit though, it was a genius plan."

I cracked a massive grin.

"It makes me want to have a twin to attend Transfiguration for me."

Insert Wishful sigh.

Dave, who Charlie was talking to before I interrupted – what can I say? I'm the annoying younger sister – nudged Charlie in the ribs.

"Oh right. Um, Lils I don't think that you've formally met Dave. Dave, formally meet my sister."

"Hi Lily, I've heard a lot about you from the twins."

He knows me!

"Oh, nothing bad I hope. Can I ask on behalf of the flower association, an escort for myself and Rose, of three big strong men?"

Charlie and Dave snorted, Remus sniggered and Rosie looked incredulous.

Why is she looking at me like that? She may not be that forward but I am so…

HMPH!

"The Flower Association?"

She raises her eyebrows at me.

I was under pressure okay?

Work with me peoples.

Besides, I used my Sherlock Holmes detective skills to determine that both our names came from that of flower's.

"And men? These… males hardly constitute as men!"

We giggled as three incredulous 'men' were left staring at us, following us to the door.

"Left or right?"

So we eventually made it back to the common room in tact, and I can now add Head Boy to my list of friends.

* * *

**Transfiguration – One Week Later**

Oh

My

Sweet

Merlin

no exclamation marks

I am going to officially go off and kill myself.

I'll jump off the astronomy tower, slit my wrists, swallow poison, go for a hike through the Forbidden Forrest on full moon, drown myself in a toilet, jump through a window, break my spine, kill my brain, eat my mother's cooking. Something. Anything.

Sure you may ask why.

WHY?

Why am I punished so badly? I must have pent up karma for setting innocent kittens on fire in a past life. Something like an extremity like that.

You see, McGonagall oh so kindly set us an assignment.

So what? You may ask yourself.

SO FREAKING WHAT?

Yes, it only constitutes as THIRTY PERCENT of your overall grade. Not to mention I don't understand what the Sweet Merlin the theory is…

The assignment is something like transfiguring a room – like a doll house room – from something or other or something.

I don't know.

All I understand is that we have to successfully transfigure the walls because, and I quote, 'if we don't practice it now, then the walls will sag to the ground if we try it on a live project later in life.'

Exactly.

WHAT THE HELL?

Who would think up such a completely random and… BIZARE – not to mention difficult and pointless – assignment.

So maybe McGonagall likes home decorating?

SO WHAT?

Why must she take it out on us, the low humble students who do nothing but their teachers bidding?

It's not fair I tell you!

Not fair!

Anyways, so we're sitting at dinner, and people are whispering about the teams that are going into the Quidditch League.

You see, when Potter and I went for our little expedition at the lake the other week and he told me about his meeting with Dumbledore, well apparently our grand Headmaster told all the captains that Hogwarts annual quidditch cup would be off because of the League.

So instead I have been getting up at 6 o'clock in the morning to train my ass off and I'm not going to get the satisfaction of beating the Slytherin's to pulp. Instead I have to be content with waiting to beat up mystery teams.

Brilliant, just brilliant.

At our last practice, Potter announced to us that over a series of four days – this week end and next week end – all teams will be holding matches against each other, in order to find Hogwarts ultimate quidditch player whom will represent Hogwarts.

Along with being Gryffindor's secret Chaser I was probably with out a doubt the only person at Hogwarts who has never officially played a game of quidditch.

Yes, way to get my nerves vacillating.

Anyways, I must head off now, I have to go and tutor the little terror.

Gabrielle is undoubtedly doing much better at charms; it's just that she's still a little head of horrors.

So, off to deal with the cretin from the Black Lagoon aka the wannabe Beauxbaton-ian

Ciao!

* * *

**Sitting At Lake Edge – 5 am Saturday morning**

OH

MY

SWEET

MERLIN

I think I'm going to be sick.

Not the sick where you throw up and go to the hospital wing get a potion and leave the next morning

But the sick where you're sent to St. Mungo's, tested over and over again, given multiple drugs, potions, draughts you name it, only to be left six feet below the ground enjoying eternal slumber and a coffin maker's finest work.

That sick.

You see today will become a cross roads in my life

I will either become:

Six feet under because I've died of embarrassment

Six feet under because all the other women at Hogwarts have some sense and know that playing sport with muscled testosterone driven baboons is lethal and I have no sense

Six feet under because I couldn't take the disappointed glances derived from other house member's.

As you can see, none of the above mentioned effects seem appealing.

So now, after not being able to sleep I think that I will go and drown myself in the lake, never having to live through the horrors that undoubtedly wait for me.

As I might not live past this day I want to take a moment to recognise all the people who are important in my life…

…

….

…..

well, that's a lot of people!

Kidding, as this will be my last account of my life I want to thank mother for raising me to be like I am – is that a good thing? – and thank my father for always being on my side.

To all my new friends I love you all, especially Rosie who can get way too hyper, Sara who can really dole it out when provoked, Sirius who's a great astronomer, Remus whose a great intellectual equal, Potter whose a great quidditch player.

Now, to Dan the man, you've hung by me through all of those summer's even though you spend more time with the monster's at school.

Monsters: it's been great having twin brother's like you.

Now that all that is said, all above mentioned people can have whatever stuff of mine they want, as long as I am assured a comfortable coffin.

So I'm off to the field for a last minute pep and tactics talk before breakfast and slaughter time.

Thanks for being great friends.

Ciao.

Lilieanne

* * *

**A/N**: no this is NOT over! Way more to come!

Review to discover what happens next!

Or too assist my quest for greater writing knowledge.

THANKS!


	11. To Be The Change

A/n: hey gorgeous readers! I know, I know, long time no update! But here it is! The long awaited next chapter!!

Read and enjoy guys!

_

* * *

_

_Last time on Positively Scandalous:_

_EEP! I walked in on a room full of students. Looks to be some kinds of meeting. How embarrassing. They're all looking at me. I tried playing a smile on my face._

"_I was simply… observing the greater art outside my normal route in which daily life so dearly decides to take me and in doing so was lead here…"_

"_You got lost, didn't you Lils?"_

_I turned and glared at mister know it all Remus. Think you know everything huh buddy? Well I'll show you._

"_No I did not."_

_He raised one eyebrow at me._

"_We can talk about the Qudditch League."_

"_When the schools arrive we will be holding a special feast in celebration."_

"_We've decided," Dave said, indicating Anna and himself, "That the Hufflepuffs will be working on creating a menu that will satisfy everyone's tastes. There will be low background music, so Ravenclaw's you will be in charge of finding suitable music. Remember this is not a dance. Now, when it comes to the day, we will need the hall cleaned first, so Slytherin's that's your job and for Merlin's sake, this is NOT a detention so just use your wands."_

"_And Gryffindor's you will be in charge of decorations. All decisions must be run passed by Anna and myself first. Anything else Anna?"_

_You see today will become a cross roads in my life_

_I will either become:_

_ a) Six feet under because I've died of embarrassment_

_ b) Six feet under because all the other women at Hogwarts have some sense and know that playing sport with muscled testosterone driven baboons is lethal and I have no sense_

_c) Six feet under because I couldn't take the disappointed glances derived from other house member's._

_So I'm off to the field for a last minute pep and tactics talk before breakfast and slaughter time._

**

* * *

Quidditch change rooms – 10 minutes before the game**

OH

MY

SWEET

MERLIN!

Okay just breathe Lily, that's all you have to do. Breathe in and out. In and out.

SHIT!

I think I'm going to die. Who am I kidding I shouldn't have joined up for the team. I haven't ever played a full game oh quidditch before. When player's talk about their first games they never and I repeat NEVER talk about majora freak outs like the one I'm having at the moment.

Dear God, please let me live.

Dear Merlin, please let me live.

Dear anyone-else-who-may-be-watching-me-for-entertainment-purposes, please let me live...

Just think, who will entertain you if I am dead?

"Evans!"

"Yes?"

Times three.

Doesn't potter understand that when you're in the Gryffindor change rooms and you say Evans then you are going to get THREE replies?

Pfft!

Idiot!

"I meant Lily."

Oh, okay. Thanks for clearing that up. Dumb and Dumber laughed and went back to talking to Longbottom and Cameroll. James came over and sat next to me.

"Now, Lily, I don't want you to have all those bad thoughts about dieing going through your head."

Excuse me? Do I look suicidal? I don't think so… but then again I am going out to fly hundreds of feet above ground, while stupid boys bash balls at each other and me…

Right, I see what he means. Once again I enforce the 'honesty is the best policy' motto…

"I don't have death thoughts going through my head."

Deny it all the way.

HA!

Two people can play mind games Potter!

He gave me a look.

HE gave Me a look. I poked my tongue out at him.

"Okay so maybe, just maybe, the idea crossed my mind… once, or twice… or I'M GOING TO DIE!"

"Would I let you die?" he asked me. I give him a look. TAKE THAT POTTER!!! "I would never let you die because a) your brothers would kill me, and b) you are the prettiest girl on the quidditch team."

I glared at him. Thank you Mister Suave. You sure know how to make a girl feel loved.

"I am the ONLY girl on the quidditch team, on ANY quidditch team, EVERYWHERE."

"Maybe, but you are still the prettiest."

"You think I'm pretty?"

MWAHAHA! Put him on the spot! Take that Potter you monster-baboon-man!!!

"Yes."

He doesn't even hesitate. Wow, maybe he really does think I'm pretty.

"Well, you had better take a picture, it'll last longer than I will because I'm going to die, remember?"

Nice big smile. That's the way!

"Lily Evans! Do you have so little trust in your team mates as too really think your going to die?"

With this comment, he captured the attention of the whole team. I look at his face, to Sirius's, to my Brother's, to Longbottom's, to cameroll's and back to Potter's.

"Good point" I say. "Now I'm positive I'm going to die! Oh God, somewhere in heaven, why didn't you bless me with intelligence?"

I looked back at the boys, they're all pouting. Awww, I cannot resist. They all look so cute, hunky, muscled men. Mmmmm! Now I remember why I agreed to this stupid plot.

"Okay, okay, fine you win. I love you all, but if I die then I will personally make sure I never, I repeat, never talk to you or love any of you again."

Aw, big touchy-feely moment.

Say Fuji!!!

We are leaving now, to go out to adoring fans. Potter has to break up a fight between Cameroll and Sirius about whom I love more.

I will update after the game, when I'm still alive because my teammates have kept it that way.

Ciao!

* * *

**Gryffindor Common Room**

OH

MY

SWEET

GOD!!!

Yes, this calls for something slighter stronger than Merlin.

Today I have discovered that there really _is_ a God.

Okay I'll give you a run down of what happened.

You see, in order to throw all the other teams, Potter, our great captain, has kept the identity of his new Chaser a secret. Unfortunately for me, that secret identity is me and as I am a Girl and most girls are smart enough to NOT play quidditch then seeing one play would be… somewhat revolutionary.

Babbling.

Anyways, we could hear our good commentator – Remus Lupin – choking. Obviously he just got wind of the new Gryffindor team player.

"Good Morning Hogwarts!" the stands cheered. "Today, we will embark on a journey. A journey that consists of courage, skill and determination."

Great; way to go Lupin. Why not add fiery dungeons and ravenous dementor's while you're at it? He sure knows how to make team players feel less nervous. I felt someone's hands massaging my shoulders through my quidditch armour, and looked into what I assume was supposed to be a comforting face. Upside down, Potter looked like a constipated pig.

I laughed.

"These games are not your ordinary entertainment. Instead, the player's will have to walk through fiery dungeons and battle ravenous Dementor's –"

Thanks so much Remus. Remind me to hit you.

"- to win the glory and fame, that is the prize. What is this prize, you may ask yourself? Why, it is only the chance to be discovered, to be offered a place among the sports top men –"

I couldn't help but growl when he said that. My team member's stared warily at me. MWAHAHAHA!!! Upset me and I will eat you!

"- but most important, is the fame that comes with winning the Inter-school Quidditch League."

The way he said it brought cheer's and wild screaming from the spectator's, all of whom were hanging onto his every word. While they were projecting their voice boxes into the air, _I_ was being eaten by flobberworms squirming around in my stomach.

Oh

Sweet

Merlin!!

Never, I repeat, never, have I been this nervous before.

"-And now introducing our Hufflepuff team!"

He read out their last names, as screaming followed each word.

"-And their competitor's for the day, the Almighty GRRRRYYYYFFFFINDOORRRR!"

Thunder sounded as light stung our eye's as we ran from the change rooms out onto the pit.

"-Now, I'm sure you all want to know who their new mystery Chaser is. Introducing, the Captain Potter, Longbottom, Sirius, Evans, Evans, Cammeroll and Hogwarts own, LILY EVANS!!!! This has never happened before folks, half the team comprising of one family, let alone a girl. Let's give it up for the Pioneer of Female quidditch, a mentor in the history of the sport, one Liiiily Evans!"

More cheering.

American football players say that there's something special that happens the first time you run out onto the field to a roaring crowd. You forget you're nerves, as you look around and study the competition. Are they stronger than you? Faster or more skilled?

And it doesn't seem to matter. You've made it this far. You've made a second home out on the field, surrounded by your team who has become another family.

The ball – in our case balls – gets released and you're okay. It's just like at practice… but with more screaming and if you're a guy testosterone. I do not have the last thing because I am indeed a GIRL. And proud of it.

The game, while not being easy, wasn't very hard. Potter had been very exuberant at expressing his delight when he found out that my first game would be against the Hufflepuff's.

"Like strawberries and cream" he had said, while jumping up and down and hugging me. "You can chow it down in record time and it still leaves you satisfied."

And he was right. 30 minutes into the game and Gryffindor was up 60 – 10. Another thirty minutes and the score had doubled.

That's when it happened.

Cameroll had seen something shiny and gold. He started to dive, following the object of his desires. Dogger, a Hufflepuff chaser in possession of the quaffle at the time, dropped the ball in surprise, even though he was at the other end of the pitch.

I can honestly say that I have no idea what came over me. All I can do is claim temporary insanity. I flew vertically down after the red ball, which being heavier than the snitch was falling at a faster rate.

I let out a loud whistle in order to gain attention so that all the bludger's would not be aimed at Cameroll. I pushed my broom to go faster, at least Cameroll got to go down on an angle. Dodging one bludger I did not see the other until it hit me in the side.

Pain.

Lots and lots of pain.

Rather than letting the stupid cursed ball go, I held on to it. The force of being smashed in the ribs by bewitched… lead or metal or something hard drove me off course, as it would to any normal person. Breathing became harder and I hate to think about it but I would undoubtedly have to go to the hospital wing again. It wasn't like my bones were breakable or anything; it was just that I was put into situations that broke them for me.

Dogger and I were both coming in at the quaffle that at this point had reached the ground. It was like a game of chicken, see who would pull out first. He seemed determined to get it, and I could tell in his face that he was bracing for a crash. I blame this all on skill, and lapse of sanity, but at the last second I turned and released my captive bludger. It flew and clipped his broom. Not hurting him, just pushing him off course.

The whistle blew and all eyes flew to Cameroll to see him grinning manically and holding up the snitch. I screamed, and cheered and then felt pain.

Lots of pain.

I remembered the loveliness of the green grass that I was consequently barely two feet above. Mmm, I remember the springiness of it. I fell onto it.

I love grass, I love grass, I love lots of green grass.

Hands pulled me up and into an embrace.

"Don't you ever, EVER, do that again."

Wow! Why am I getting flashbacks?

He seems to be restricting what I can and can't do on the field. If a giant ogre weren't squishing me right now, I would stick my tongue out at him. Stupid Potter.

I was plucked from his arms, and swept into another bone crushing hug.

OW PEOPLE CANT YOU SEE THE BRUISES?

After being congratulated the team and I walked back to the locker room.

OH

MY

SWEET

MERLIN!!!

A very important stage in my life has just come, and passed.

I PLAYED MY FIRST GAME OF QUIDDITCH AND WON!!!

We will ignore for the moment that I have bruises the size of fricking Fiji – literally – on my side, but hey, it could be worse.

On the way to the change rooms someone grabbed the back of my robes

"Oh no you don't. Party in the Common Room."

Thanks Frank. I may be a quidditch player, but I am a FEMALE quidditch player. Meaning that I still care about what I look like, and turning up to a party that is 1/7 in my honour in a sweaty robe that stinks is so NOT happening.

I tell him this.

"Are you a quidditch player or a girl?" Sirius asks, who has joined Longbottom on his gallant quest of forcing me to make a public appearance while I look like a giant gorilla after a long fight with dinosaur's…

"Both, you Gorilla's. I am flying up to my room, and will come down when I am ready."

HMPH!

There was nothing interesting about my shower, or getting ready routine, other than the fact that every 10 minutes – exactly – someone would come up and smash on the door.

CANT YOU SEE I DON'T CARE? I'LL BE THERE WHEN IM THERE!

Sheesh!

Some people have NO manners what so ever. I mean, it kind of reminds me of Mother… the way she has to be on time for everything, and forces me to be on time too… so what if I like to sleep in? I NEED my beauty sleep…

Stupid mother.

NOTE: put silencing charm on door. Then loud banging will not wake you up, and if you combine it with a locking charm: voila no more early – 11:00 am – starts.

The party was loud. Very loud, in fact it was so loud that if it wasn't for the 14 different silencing charms protecting the room we would have been caught.

But alas, we had 14 different silencing charms so no, we did not get caught.

The party itself was so different from anything I had ever previously experienced. At Beauxbatons – Shudder – the girls – whores – would sit around talking about how perfect they were, compliment each other then turn around two seconds later and bitch about each other.

Like one giant catfight circle. A never ending plain of ferocious orange fights, bloody red of the fallen and the black haze of uncertainty…

Moving on.

The party.

I opened my door and the sudden increase in noise was definitely deafening.

Okay, now I am confused. How can INCREASEMENT of noise cause a disability where one can't HEAR? Man, people are weird…

I walked down the stairs, and I thought that I had made it down there without getting attention.

But noooooooooo, it is universally acknowledged that when one hopes for something with all of their being it is blatantly disregarded, and the laws of nature kick in. sure enough, for moi, the laws of nature include, if something can go wrong it will, and, Gravity always chooses the opportune time to strike.

In this situation we see option one fully at work.

"There she is!"

So much for secrecy.

Cheering. LOTS of cheering.

Cheering blushing…

LOTS of blushing.

Somehow kegs upon kegs of firewhiskey had been snuck into the tower, resulting in the er… exuberant behaviour of many students. I could not have been rewarded more when my butt-head brothers gave me a bottle each of vodka and tequila.

I think I love them!!!

Tables were laden with food, and a dance floor had been created. The floor even flashed different coloured lights. The girls dressed down, wearing nothing but the bare minimum, and the guys dressed to a) impress, and b) show off well-toned bodies…

Lets take a moment to acknowledge all the royal hotties in this room…

DROOL

Okay. Done.

"May I have this dance, milady?"

er… NO!

I want to drink my vooooddddddkkkkaaa!!!

"Sure"

Fake smile.

23.5 dances, 304 new bruises, 10 partner's, 1 267 compliments and 0 drops of vodka later….

"May I intervene?"

errrgh! Not another one!

I just want to take a break.

"Sure"

HE my partner said. Note: HE.

No, I did not have a choice in the matter. What do I look like? A piece of meat?

"Isn't that for the lady to decide?"

Oooh, isn't he the new comer just the little charmer.

Fake Smile

"Sure"

"You look truly… wow tonight."

What the? Hows that for a compliment?

I look up.

POTTER!

"Potter?"

cocky grin (on his behalf)

"What, can't I have a chance to dance with the subject of Hogwarts gossip?"

I DON'T WANT TO BE HOGWARTS GOSSIP!!!

"You really are amazing you know that? I don't know if I've ever seen a play done like that at our level before."

I presented a REAL smile.

"Thanks, Coach."

"Now there's that beautiful smile I've been looking for all night. All I see are the fake ones."

Do not poke tongue out.

Do not poke tongue out.

Poke tongue out.

"You would be fake smiling too if you'd danced 23.5 songs with 10 guys you don't know, been rewarded with 304 new bruises, been the poor recipient of 1 267 compliments and had nothing to drink"

"Well Miss Evans, I think a break is in order."

"Finally"

Potter and I sat with the rest of the team member's who weren't drunk and making a fool of themselves – everyone except my brother's – and he poured me a drink.

The pott-head and I got up and dance after a while, giggling and enjoying ourselves in the drunken state one achieves with much ease when attending a party held by the Marauder's.

One bottle of Vodka later…

"(oo) What you want  
(oo) Baby, I got it  
(oo) What you need  
(oo) Do you know I got it?  
(oo) All I'm askin'  
(oo) Is for a little respect when you come home (just a little bit)  
Hey baby (just a little bit) when you get home  
(just a little bit) mister (just a little bit)

R-E-S-P-E-C-T  
Find out what it means to me  
R-E-S-P-E-C-T  
Take care, TCB"

I led half of Gryffindor in singing the immensely popular muggle song that had made its debut around the world, and into the wizarding world…

A hard feat to achieve with things that way they are…

"Oh, sock it to me, sock it to me,  
sock it to me, sock it to me  
A little respect, sock it to me, sock it to me,  
sock it to me, sock it to me"

Each 'Sock it to me' crumpled into a mass.

HEE HEE HEE!!!

Sockmetoit itmesock ittoundiesme

I AM NOW INVINCIBLE AND CAN NO LONGER BE AFFECTED BY THE EVIL AND DISASTROUS AFFECTS OF GRAVITY!!!

And with that proclamation to the people watching over me for the simple factor of entertainment I jumped off the table.

HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!!!

"Steady there Tiger"

Its Potty-Wee-Potter and he caught me

No ground for me today! No Sir-ree no ground at all! No one blasted in-

HE DROPPED ME! WHY HE'S GOING TO BE A DEAD MAN NOW

GR

"You dropped me. I didn't need steadying"

MWAHA! Two can play the stubborn game Monsieur De Loser.

"I'm sure."

You're sure?

You're sure?

YOU'RE SURE?

I'm sure that you're going to get your ass beaten in a drinking game.

The crowd 'OOOOOOH'ed at my courage. Apparently Mister I'm-so-great-the-world-falls-out-my-ass is the STAR drinker of Hogwarts.

Sirius tells me that he's versed all the teacher's – with the exception of a few (like McGonagall)- and that he's beaten them all, and that they all turn a blind eye.

WELL HE IS NO MATCH FOR ME!!!

Unfortunately though, said monster (Sirius) is here and will undoubtedly take the opportunity to inform THE ENTIRE WORLD of the illegal and embarrassing activities about the proceed in the drinking arena aka: Gryffindor Common Room.

Sirius just can't stay away from blackmail, especially when its dancing naked in front of his face. And this was dancing naked, swinging it's hips, yelling out 'Come get me Siri-boy' and holding a sign saying, 'Be Alert! Potential blackmail!'.

"If I win," Potter – as the challenged – says, "You have to do whatever I ask for three days. In return I have to do whatever you say for three days."

"Deal"

We shook hands. Mmmmm! He has soft hands.

You are so on! If I win, you have too do what ever I say for three entire days."

By this time of night the little tiny tots had gone to bed, leaving us older and for the most part – keyword MOST - sexy students to get up to our…fun without having to worry about tattle tails and 'setting a bad example.'

Okay hang on, I'll come back and update you in a moment once this contest is over and I have a slave boy!!!

* * *

cough

So Lily and James went off and had babies and lived Happily Every After!

Both male and female – although it may be complex to tell which is which – looked straight into the eyes of the other. "You are so on!"

94 shot glasses set on 3 tables lined against each other, 47 filled glasses on each side, every third glass being a combination of the two drinks, and a lot of cheering later…

"On your marks, get set.."

"GO!"

Some say that the first is the worst, others say the third. Some people even say that the thirtieth is the worst but 47 was just ridiculous.

Both team members were chugging through their drinks, both drunk to begin with. At number 37, J. Potter began to miss his mouth, preferring to feed the burning liquid to his nostrils, eyeballs and yes, his shirt. Due to the missing of the most vital body function in a drinking contest, Potter had to go back and redo 10 of his shots.

Lily on the other hand was a sight to behold. She seemed to sober with each class, her actions becoming more fixed and fast as she moved through the lines.

It was masterly….

Give me a second to sit and stare…

WHOA!

Just whoa!!!

Prongs mate; I'm going to have to disown you. You're being beaten by a girl! A girl!

Sobs

Lily is on fire!

And she… won?

Lily Evans, first female to ever play quidditch, won a drinking contest against THE James Potter who has never lost before?

Oh Merlin!

This is so….

AWESOME!!!

I AM GOING TO BLACK MAIL PRONGS 'TILL KINGDOM COME!!!

"Siri-poo why you writing in my dia – ooh pizza! Jamie you poo on toast give me the foood stuff."

Whoa, take that back, I'm going to black mail Lily too!!!

My name isn't black for nothing!

HEE HEE HEE!!!

Until later fair brothers and sisters of the Black conspiracy!

* * *

A/N soz homies!!! I have been so incredibly busy with work and school that I was about to die. Things are dieing down for a couple of days so I think its time to add this chap that ive had done for a long time!!!

Thanx for reading beautifuls!!! Plz leave a review if u so feel indulged!!!


	12. Because I Care

A/N: OH MY I AM SO SORRY GUYS. NO I DIDNT ABANDON THIS STORY... I JUST HAD MORE TECHNOLOGICAL ISSES THAN NASA HAS HAD IN THEIR ENTIRE HISTORY! I've gone through a bad karma wheel but now I'm back and I hope that all you guys can forgive me!!!

And as to continue with tradition, Here are this chapters Quotes!!!

Feel the inspiration!

* * *

**The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the limits of the impossible. Arthur C. Clarke**

**Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. Confuscious**

**Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds Albert Einstein**

HAVE A FUN READ!!!

_

* * *

LAST TIME ON POSITIVELY SCANDALOUS!!!_

"_Would I let you die?" he asked me. I give him a look. TAKE THAT POTTER!!! "I would never let you die because a) your brothers would kill me, and b) you are the prettiest girl on the quidditch team."_

_I glared at him. Thank you Mister Suave. You sure know how to make a girl feel loved._

"_I am the ONLY girl on the quidditch team, on ANY quidditch team, EVERYWHERE."_

"_Maybe, but you are still the prettiest."_

_Rather than letting the stupid cursed ball go, I held on to it. The force of being smashed in the ribs by bewitched… lead or metal or something hard drove me off course, as it would to any normal person. Breathing became harder and I hate to think about it but I would undoubtedly have to go to the hospital wing again. It wasn't like my bones were breakable or anything; it was just that I was put into situations that broke them for me._

_Dogger and I were both coming in at the quaffle that at this point had reached the ground. It was like a game of chicken, see who would pull out first. He seemed determined to get it, and I could tell in his face that he was bracing for a crash. I blame this all on skill, and lapse of sanity, but at the last second I turned and released my captive bludger. It flew and clipped his broom. Not hurting him, just pushing him off course._

_Both team members were chugging through their drinks, both drunk to begin with. At number 37, J. Potter began to miss his mouth, preferring to feed the burning liquid to his nostrils, eyeballs and yes, his shirt. Due to the missing of the most vital body function in a drinking contest, Potter had to go back and redo 10 of his shots._

_Lily Evans, first female to ever play quidditch, won a drinking contest against THE James Potter who has never lost before?_

* * *

**Gryffindor Common Room – The Next Morning**

There's the squigginess that belongs to a mattress then there's the squigginess that quite clearly does not belong to the soft thing upon which one sleeps. This squigginess was quite cold and clammy and not soft. Let me assure the reader that every attempt to fix the uncomfortable situation was made by yours truly, but wiggling around does not fix all situations.

Waking up to this unfamiliar and unwelcome squigginess is something completely undesirable. In fact, waking up at all is completely undesirable when it's the morning after a party held by the marauders. This is a fact that I have come to realise. And in typical yours truly style, I had to figure it out the hard way.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrroooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnn!

Oh

MY

SWEET

MERLIN!!!

My abnormal squiggy mattress just groaned. It groaned I tell you all by itself! If this is a trick of those self-centered obnoxious brothers I will render them unfit to have children. Then I will hang them and cut them up and feed them to the giant squid for breakfast. I wonder if the giant squid is carnivorous?

ARGH!

It did it again! Why you little uncharacteristically moving mattress I'll get you…

kick

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW" 

ARRRRRRRGGGGHHH!! IT YELPED. MY BED YELPED!

I am going to mutilate those brothers so that not even dental records can identify them!

There is no two ways about it. A few more wriggles

shudder

groan

why is the light shining so bright?

Each sound was amplified to 1 000 000 000 htz of the original volume. The morning after is always the worst.

"LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYY"

ARGH! IT KNOWS MY NAME! IT KNOWS MY NAME! ITS GOING TO STALK ME AND KILL ME. ARGH!

Ok so every sound isn't really amplified to 1 000 000 000 X its normal sound and the sun isn't at nuclear burning point, but my mattress IS going to kill me and stalk me and kill me!

"Lily, snap out of it"

With cat-like ability and grace I gently stretched, NOT smashing my arm on a chair, NOT kicking my mattress in a soft place that made it howl. It was quite impressive really.

Blinking sleep out of my eyes, the fogginess cleared and my eyesight returned to 20/20 pinpoint accuracy. Hurrah for me!!!

HOLY BEGEEZEZ!!!

Oh Merlin-ie! You should see this place. It looks like a mass murder scene… it's quite funny actually. Passed out people are wrapped all over every surface imaginable. Hee Hee Hee!!!

I casually look down at my 'matress'.

HOLY MERLIN-POO!!!

I SLEPT WITH POTTER! Ok so it's not like it sounds… really… I kinda actually slept ON Potter. So it's okay.

GRIN

GRUMBLE

"Okay breakfast time!" James, Remus and Rosie all groaned and covered their heads, and Sez and Sirius snored and rolled over. Some friends they are.

"Guuuuuuuuuuuuuuyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyysssssssssssssss! I'm HHUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRYYYYY!!!"

Various 'Shut Up! Lily's' resounded through the room.

HUMPH. And they call themselves friends… seriously! What's a person to do when they're dieing of starvation?

"Oh well, I didn't teach the boys for nothing did I?" I said _innocently_. Immediately James and Remus ran up to their room, uttering excuses about showering, leaving Rose grumbling on the floor. I picked her up on pulled her up to our room to get ready for the day.

By the time we finally made it down to breakfast I'm pretty sure my stomach was eating itself. No matter how much I nagged Rose she didn't hurry up, instead, she seemed to slow down… as if on purpose. Why! I will get my revenge!!!

Hee Hee Hee!!!

There's like 20 Gryffindor's down here; The firsties and second years, and a couple of older people looking completely hung over. Ha Ha suckers!

We plopped down on seats, me next to Potter, who was pushing porridge around in a bowl as though the spoon was a drugged niffler seeking the golden goodness of porridge, and Rosie across from me and beside her lover-to-be. The said lover was resting his head on his arms.

"Good morning Laddies."

THEY EVIL GLARED ME! HOW DARE THEY! I say, is this what you get for being nice and cheery?

As if to further the universes attempts to kill me, Metin my owl dropped a smelly envelope straight into my lap. I mean honestly, what are they trying to do? Suffocate the _entire_ great hall? Because let me tell you, its working very effectively. Nobody, I mean _NOBODY_ wants to smell the scratchy pollen sent that is characteristic of the Evans women stationary set at 9 o'clock in the bloody morning. Nobody.

Thus, gagging is a perfectly normal reflex, despite the roll of the eyes from my so called friends, effectively expressing their views of my ability to be a drama queen through the silent but ancient language of the eyes.

By the way, when I say that itchy and scratchy pollen stationary paper is characteristic of the Evans women, I mean Evans women born more than 16 years ago. You see, I actually have a brain inside the thing attached to my neck, which is attached to my chest and has two long sticks growing from it. Similarly, my chest is attached to my abdomen and my waist which is attached to my hips which is attached to two but equally important thighs, that connect to knees and then to calves and ankles and feet and toes… and I think you get the point. Hence, pollen paper is not really my style, I'm not into the whole gas chamber idea.

And now I have to touch it and then finally disinfect my hands so that I don't accidentally consume some of the sent while I'm eating… mmmm food.

After performing a series of Lily charms, the letter pasted below is no longer scented, pink or patterned with flowers… as you can see.

It should be safe to read now…

_Lillieanne,_

_I thought it would be nice for you to know that your mother is recovering peacefully at home. She has been released from hospital, but hospital doctors have found an unknown substance in a full work up of her blood. Mother dearest wishes to continue discussing your future career. I believe it would be best if you put up absolutely no resistance to her wishes, especially while she is in this fragile state of mind._

_Please inform to twins of her release from hospital and steady recovery at home._

_Petunia._

Ooh when I get my hands on her I'm going to rip each and every fake blonde hair from her head… not that it will make much difference. She's as ugly with straw on top as she is bald.

And I should know. Charlie, Teddy and I didn't try out a hair removal potion for no reason…

Anyways, back on topic.

Put up little resistance?

Put up little resistance?

PUT UP LITTLE RESISTANCE?

She means don't have a personality, brain or opinion.

Become a Barbie. We're plastic on the outside, hollow on the inside.

I apologise, I shouldn't speak crudely of Petunia's role model…

Evil Grin

Out of utmost contempt for all things plastic and hollow, I took out my anger by macerating my bacon, and desecrating my eggs.

So Long Suckers!

A large and powerful hand slammed down on top of my hands holding the knife and fork, unceremoniously pushing them into the swampland concoction of baby chicken and dead pig.

I think I may just be ill.

I followed the arm up to see – REMUS?!?

Remus of all people condemned my hands to this gooey fate on this sunny morning…

HOW DARE HE?!?

"Why aren't you hung over? I think you drank more than the rest of the house put together. For that matter why are you awake?"

I changed my gaze to Potter. His bloodshot eyes seemed to complement his shadowy skin and the black bags under his eyes. He had this in common with Remus who once again had his head in his arms, snoring this time, and Rosie who was trying to spread honey on a piece of toast with the handle of a fork. Potter himself had dribbled the sticky substance all down his shirt, and I couldn't help but grin at the picture they all made.

"Simple" I replied, idly taking my time to reply, enjoying their current situation too much. "I'm simply having too much fun watching you losers."

The relaxed and casual way I said it meant it took Potter and Rosie some time to comprehend what I had just said.

After like 20 hours – or seconds, it's hard to tell sometimes – Potter's gaze snapped back to me, from his porridge, so fast that he went slightly green, and Rosie threw her honey toast at me.

Me, being the wonderful, talented, incredible, miraculous quidditch player that I was, ducked the toast, only to watch it land on the side of a second years face.

I couldn't help the following snigger.

I turned quickly to make a comment to Potter, seeing as Remus was asleep, and Rosie was in La La land.

HOLY BALONI! MOTHER ITALIANA!

I swear I couldn't help my eyes nearly popping out of my head. Potter's face was barely half and inch from mine.

I couldn't help myself, I looked into those gorgeous hazel eyes. Intelligent and warm.

Once again, I am experiencing something similar to last time in the common room after my first day of classes.

Merlin they sure are something wondrous to look at.

...even if they are all bloodshot. Poor sucker...

"You have honey on your cheek."

And sure enough a particularly rebellious drop flew from the rest of it's honey clan on the roasted bread to land on my cheek.

Potter reached out with a serviette, and incredibly gently wiped the drop away.

"Thank you…"

It was a whisper, but easily audible with the close proximity of their faces.

"PRONGSIE!!! MUFFIN!!!"

Sirius had slammed open the great halls doors with much gusto, and was currently racing up to us, quite perfectly ruining the glorious honey moment. Plonking his butt in the very narrow space between his best friend, and his so called 'muffin', Sirius excitedly chattered to us about the days up coming Ravenclaw Vs. Slytherin match.

"… and of _course_ Slytherin will cheat…"

I sniggered at James behind Sirius's back, as he dutifully rubbed his temples in a natural-Chinese-medicine way to keep his pounding headache at bay.

Oh well that maturity for you. He poked his tongue out at me, glaring.

Meh, his glare has nothing on mine.

MWAHAHAHAHA!!!

Still, should maybe assist him out of his predicament… especially seeing as he _is_ quidditch captain, and needs to study the opposing teams for the decider match next week end…

Ok fine.

Stupid conscience always making decisions that cease entertainment…

I handed Potter a small vial behind Sirius's back. The latter-mentioned boy was continuing to talk happily away to friends who were clearly NOT listening to a single word he was saying…

Ahhhh, the happy world of the delusional.

Potter took the hangover potion in one swallow, without even checking or asking what the contents were. That boy just opened himself up to a whole new range of pranking possibilities.

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Anyways, the flush of life in Potter's cheeks, and the stampede of Ravenclaw's, Hufflepuff's and Slytherin's to the quidditch pitch can only mean one thing.

It's Game time!!!

Ciao.

* * *

**Astronomy Tower – Sunday, dusk**

OH

MY

SWEET

MERLIN

I HATE ASTRONOMY

I mean sure, I looooooooove star gazing with a passion that may be borderline creepy, but the subject is as monotone as a painted image of the moon itself.

Whoop-de-doo.

Stars and planets move and cross and it means things. Isn't that just all glory?

NO! it's as boring as mother's sense of adventure. The thrill is simply non-existent.

However, our competition for the team playing in the Quidditch league is decided.

The mightly Gryffindor Vs. Slytherin.

Pooh!

Reading back through entries, and reminiscing about good times – I really am a master of procrastination - I realize that I have failed to state that only one team will be playing in the tournament. That is why Hogwarts has been having inter-house games to decide which team will be in the league and take the cup home.

Bloody Hell!

The door to the tower is opening. If this is some more horny romance seekers, I'm going to show them a 'good time' by giving them a good kick up the-

"SMOOTCHIE MOO!"

"Oh hey Bunny-boo, Potter."

It's just the boys. Well, you never know. They could be romance seekers…

Hee Hee Hee!!!

Entertaining idea though! I can just imagine their reaction to my question of their masculinity!

"Wotcha doin'?"

They settled like body guards, one sitting on either side of me.

"It's so simple" Sirius was saying, looking over my work. "You've nearly got it done"

Yeah after 4 hours, 48 minutes and 36 seconds I had better have the bloody thing nearly done.

I rolled my eyes. How can someone so smart be so... not?

..yes i am refering to _Sirius_

"We really need to keep going with your transfiguration... as good as your getting, you still suck."

Whhhaaaattt???

is that a compliment or an insult? I would like to point out that with the assistance of the master-of-masculinity-and-transfiguration, I have exceeded the score of Troll on our latest assignment. I am not as hopeless as he would like to think I am... stupid Potter.

Actually the truth is, I got an E. Proud of me or what?

Anyways, his not-so-subtle hint about my transfiguration leads to him to start tutoring me right then and there... leaving my lover-boy to finish my star chart. I really do love that boy.

It was only after Sirius finished my star chart, and my head was 30 seconds from having a skull shattering anurism from all of this transfiguration hogwash, that I decided my poor stomach couldnt take it anymore. It was crying out in pure angst for some food.

Dinner started 20 minutes ago, and if it wasnt strange enough that _I_ wasn't there, Hogwarts 2 biggest pigs were abscentalso.

Whats a girl to do?

I oh so casually stretched, and let out a feral yawn.

"Anyways boys, this has been really fun and all, but my stomach is about to commit mutiny, so if you lads don't mind, I'll be off to dinner. Ciao."

However, before I could get up and run away Siri-poo just had to open his trap.

"Good idea Lils. Let us join you."

Oh, so it wasn't a terrible plot to keep me working through the glorious dinner waiting down stairs, and his agreement automatically vetoed anything James had to say. Without waiting for the other boy to follow, Sirius and I linked arms and all but ran down the stairs to food, glorious food, Hot Chocolate and mustard.

... so that wasnt actually how the oliver twist song went but I always liked to think that it did...

It's a Lily thing, leave me alone.

Bursting through the great hall doors, Sirius and I didn't pay any mind too the people that we desturbed, instead running as fast as we could to our table. We sat across from each other and filled our dishes with anything we could get our hands on.

Mmmmm, I love Hogwarts.

I was about to take my first bite, when I looked over my mountain, over Sirius's equally as large mouontain, and at Sirius. He looked into my eyes, and I into his.

"You are so on"

And with that the eating competition started.

Sez cheered me on, as James, having just arrived, did for Sirius. Remus looked as though he was about to be sick, and Rosie just laughed her head off.

* * *

**Gryffindor Common Room**

Man I so won that eating competition. I ROCK!! and Pooh-Pooh-head Sucks!!!

Mwahaha

'You so didn't. I Won.'

'Now, now, hunny. We all saw those two pieces of rice left on your plate. Just because i'm two up on you, theres no need to be sore or anything...'

Ha Ha sickly sweet. Yes, go Lily, bring up the charms incident!

'Don't take that tone with me... I WON!'

'um, baba, I didn't take a tone with you because we're WRITING this down... and you didn't, I WON'

'Liar! I won!, damnitt'

'Siri-bubs, what are you doing writing in this anyway? It's ment to be personal...'

AND STOP LOOKING OVER MY SHOULDER. That still counts you know...

Sirus and I walked back to the common room, top button of his trousers, and of my skirt undone, after our little escapade in the great hall. People came up to me and congratulated me on my great success over THE Sirius Black. The school is at my fingertips...

MWAhAHAHAHA!

Now, our group is sitting infront of the fire, chatting. Sam and Valentine joined us, along with Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dumb, and Dan the Man.

It was fun and relaxing, joking and laughing with the gang. It's nice to feel loved and appreciated here. And I know that i've got the best of friends. This is something that I have been dreaming about for a long time...

* * *

**Girls Dorm Room**

okay...

the last couple of days have been really, really, REALLY weird. James and Sirius have not left my side once. They escort me to breakfast, to classes, to lunch, to classes, to dinner, to homework. They even tried to come with me to the bathroom. To the bathroom!

It is always Sirius on the left, and James on the right. Always. They have taken to sitting next to me in every class, leaving me without the ability to talk to Rosie and Sez during History of Magic.

Are they _trying_ to committ me to death via boredom?

So right now I am escaping the presence of Black and Potter

And yes, I am saying their last names out of despise and annoyance now. Why can't they leave me alone?

Freedom.

Away from buffoon men...

mmmm, drool. So attractive.

Hmmm, maybe I should cast the bubblehead charm, and set of a dungbomb in my robes...

that could keep them away. Losers!

On the other hand, I dont think I can because I cant move a freaking muscel.

I'm on fire. Every morsel of cell is rebelling against me.

Why?

Because of freaking James Potter, that's why.

I am going to kill him.

I am going to rip his gigantic head of hiss shoulders and use it as a bludger to whack into the rest of his stupid body. I shall then continue to tie him to a broomstick made of cement and throw him into the great lake, with a sign saying, "Hi Giant Squid, Please Eat Me."

He can swim with the fishes!

Mwahaha

ha...

ha.

evil laughing is way to strenuous.

What, you may ask has the giant assheaded buffoon done now? Other than follow my every move.

Well he has taken it upon himself to train me into the ground so that I die, and do not get to even face slytherin on the weekend... in two days.

Well, at least I've been able to play one match. A pioneer female quidditch player.

Who is about to die for her art and prove to all the other female quidditch player-wannabees that the pitch is no place for a women. Whoop-dee-doo.

Kill their hopes and dreams.

Oh My Merlin!

I am a hopes and dreams killer. That's like snatching candy from a baby, but worse because babies do not understand whats happening and will get over it. But people whose hopes and dreams have been killed will have deep psychological issues for the rest of their lives.

sob

and it's entirely Potter's fault.

GRR!

"Lily? Lily? Are you up here... Lily! There you are. Potter says-"

Does she honestly think that I give a crap what Potter says?

"I don't care what that asshead has to say. Tell him to bugger off... please."

"But he-"

"Tell him to bugger off!... please."

"But he wants you to-"

"Rosie, I don't care what he wants me to do. Do you want to know why? Because I can't move a single muscle in my entire body. Do you understand?"

"Come now, Lils. A hot shower will make you feel much better."

And with that she promptly heaved me up and shoved me straight into the hot shower, quidditch gear on and all.

Quidditch gear on?

NOOOOOOOOO

it'll be ruined, forever.

... I couldnt help the little scream that followed this realiseation.

Hastily I jumped out of the shower, trying to pull off elbow, knee and wrist guards, my special gaitor boots and gloves.

I am going to KILL Rosie when I get out.

... maybe not but I WILL kill that Potter-ape.

GR!

mmmm hot shower. Be back later!

* * *

**7th Year Boys Dorms**

Okay, so I was hiding. Boo-hoo.

You would two if you had two incessantly stupid apes attached to either side of you, and slimy slytherin's shouting insults at you every 3 and a half seconds. Argh! So annoying.

Hence, out of my annoyance I have been forced to seek refuge with my best friend in his dorm. We were lieing on his bed, eating chocolate frogs, and berttie bots and a variety of other things. We were lieing on our stomachs, facing the end of the bed, watching the entertainment for the evening. My brother's wrestling.

As annoying as they can be, I cant imaging life without them. They're so hilarious to be around. Daniel, me, and the other 3 seventh years were cheering them on, occaisonally throwing a berttie bot at them whenever one pulled a dirty move.

So much fun!!!

That is, until the door burst open.

And there, standing in the doorway, in all the grandeur of an incredibly good looking pain in the ass, stood one James Potter.

"Have you guys seen Li- Lily what are you doing up here? You had me so worried. Come downstairs right now. I want you to be where I can see you at all times. I-"

Perhaps it was the wrestling that had ceased when the door burst open, or the fact that I had had enough, but I cannot blame my following action on myself.

"Restrain me" I muttered to Daniel.

He looked at me shocked.

"Restrain me" I said louder this time.

He still didnt move, looking at me as though I was completely nuts.

"RESTRAIN ME" I yelped at I lept of the bed and lunged at the bur that had been stuck in my side all week.

I tackled him to the floor. I landed on super awesome punch to the side of the face, before I felt myself being picked up off the ape-man.

Potter stood up rubbing his jaw. HURRAH! Another victory to the super awesome Lily-flower!!! oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah!

Insert victory dance here.

"What the heck was that for?"

His eyes are ablaze now. Flashing in a way that looks sooooo enticing.

But what does he mean what was that for? He's the one thats been glued to my body all week, demanding that he be with me constantly. He's the one that just ORDERED me to follow him downstairs and obey his commands.

I am not a dog. I have a mind of my own, thank you.

"Nice punch Lils! Man we're the best teachers ever!"

Teddy and Charles high-fived.

I rolled my eyes and turned back to Potter.

"We need to talk."

And thats how we ended up alone in his dorm room.

"What's _up_ with you?" I asked as soon as the door had closed behind us.

"Me? What's up with _me_? May I remind you that you were the one that just launched themselves at me, and punched me?"

"You ordered me like a dog! What's gotten into you? Why have you been so annoying? You haven't left my side all week. You've just forced yourself onto me. You've been stressed the entire time and have barely laughed at anything.  
You haven't cracked jokes or played pranks..."

Just spit it out like a good girl Lils. Get every annoyance and confusion off your chest.

"You honestly don't know?"

His sudden change from his yelling and blazing eyes, to the soft spoken words was quite startling. Was he pmsing or something?

He wont even look at me.

"No."

"Think who we're up against in 2 days, Lily. 2 days. The Slytherin's and they will stop at nothing to make sure they win. Don't you understand? Cheating is not below them..."

Okay, yes, we knew that. They're Slytherin's. But I still didn't quite understand what he was getting at. Unless...

Nooo...

Not possible.

"We thought that if we we're with you then they wouldn't have the opportunity to try something. You're the obvious target. You're the girl that they greatly underestimate."

"You we're trying to protect me."

There was something much warmer than summer in the Sahara Desert that hit me with this statement. Suddenly the annoying invasion of my privacy seemed sweet, and I could easily feel the blush that was taking my cheeks.

This ape-man had been trying to save me from the evil, prejudiced, sexist maniacs, and here I had just slammed a whammy on his face.

Oh my sweet merlin.

Does guilt always feel this way?

Bagh! Stupid emotions.

I am a teenage girl, with feelings and emotions, and I couldn't help my actions following.

I gently reached out and carefully grabbed Jame's face, turning it ever so gently so that I could see the inflicted injury.

Man, the bruise that I gave him has already turned out to be an impressive blend of blues, blacks, purples and yellows. It was an artists happy dream. I had broken the skin, and the wound was leaking the dark red substance of blood down his jaw and was trickling ever so slowly down his neck.

"Oh boy, I really knocked you a nice one, didn't I?"

He chuckled mildly in reply.

"Seriously – Don't you dare say it – you have to have a look." I ushered him into the bathroom so he could have a look in the mirror.

I am soooo going to remember this for ever! The day I punched James Potter and made him bleed.

WHAM!

Yup, you feel that?

That's the guilt.

I grabbed the washer that was sitting on the basin and wet it. Reclaiming the ape-man's face, I began to wipe the blood away, starting with the trail and then working my way towards the glorious bruise.

When I rewetted the cloth and touched it back to the bruise, James jerked away and let out a low hiss.

"That hurts you know."

"Aw don't be such a chicken shit." Insert gladiator warrior voice here. "Your meant to be the mighty captain of the gryffindor quidditch team. You have no fear! You face more pain than a punch from a girl, every day!"

argh! The ratbag! Stuck his tongue out at me, he did.

Ooh!

And now ladies and gentleman, for Miss Lily's revenge!

I touched the cloth back to the wound.

Potter released another hiss, but this time did not jump away.

Once my guilt was satisfied that I had in fact cleaned the wound properly, I was oh so inclined to conjure up some ice. Wrapping that up in the cloth I touched it to his bruise.

I looked upwards to gage a reaction from the niceness of my action. Immediately his intense gaze swamped my own.

Ergh! Don't remind me how stupidly cliched it was, and how my stupid heart just had to race. In case you don't know, when your heart rate speeds up, your breathing become heavier and deeper.

But still, it happened. As did what followed.

WHAM!

Wait? Was that my guilt again?

"Did you Find her – Whoa! What am I interrupting here? My apologies, I'll be downstairs when you finish."

Only just noticing the very limited distance between our bodies, I couldn't help it.

I laughed.

I rested my head on James' shoulder and laughed to my hearts content. What Sirius must think...

I could feel the deep rumble as Potter started to laugh also, leaving and absolutely bewildered Sirius in the door.

"RRIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTTT. Okay, leaving the world of the nutters and entering Hogwarts. Ciao"

I was much to distracted to get angry at him for stealing my thing.

I was laughing so hard that Potter was basically holding me up. We walked cough stumbled cough to the nearest bed and collapsed on it.

Still lying on his bed, I said, "I really am sorry for punching you though. You we're just soo annoying."

James laughed.

"and I'm sorry for turning into a tyrant. I promise to be a nicer protector from now on."

I laughed at his reply. What a pair we make.

"You realize that this means you have to go easier on me at quidditch training right?"

"Not a snowball's chance in hell" he replied letting out a yawn.

Damn well, a girl was allowed to try wasn't she?

Why did he have to yawn. Everybody know's that yawning is contaigous.

yawn

Damn James.

I sat straight up.

Oh

My

Sweet

Merlin!

I just called him James.

Oh

My

Sweet

Merlin.

I just reread some of this, I did it subconsciously... MORE THAN ONCE!

Oh my gosh what's happening.

NOTE to self:

STOP CALLING POTTER JAMES. ITS POTTER. NOT JAMES.

Self explanatory.

"alright there Lilykins?"

I groaned and lied back down.

Soo tired...

I hate him you know that.

I really really hate him.

He drives me into the ground.

And I die of tiredness.

And I'm missing dinner.

This is my last thought as I fall asleep.

* * *

A/n: What do you guys think? Let me know. I need all the help I can get becuase it's been such a long time. 

THANK YOU!


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